


When We Were Lovers (Like Happy Drunks)

by Papperchains



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Memories, Post-Break Up, Songfic, Time Skips, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-21 05:41:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21294467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Papperchains/pseuds/Papperchains
Summary: In a bid to unpack and settle into his new life, Johnny stumbles across his old film camera — bringing with it twenty four and a half grainy photographs of the last time he was in Seoul, and in turn, unearthing memories of his last long term relationship.But maybe, just maybe, revisiting his past could be a good thing.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 14
Kudos: 66





	1. Intro: Undeveloped Film

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm back with a brand new Johnten fic!
> 
> The title is from the song Undeveloped film - by Frank Turner, and is pretty much the whole inspiration behind this story. 
> 
> I alway said I wouldn't write a break up fic, but, after re-listening to the song after a long time, I just couldn't get this idea out of my head and now here we are! So, sorry in advance for the angst~~ 
> 
> I've been working on this for a while now, so I'm excited to finally start posting it. Hope you enjoy!!
> 
> Thank you to Teeg for continuing to be my wonderful beta, any other mistakes are my own.

It was September.

It was the end of September.

It was the end of September, and moreover, it had been six months since Johnny had moved back to South Korea.Six long months, of trying to settle back into the routine of Seoul. Six months, of trying to convince himself that it had been the right decision. Half a year of procrastinating (or maybe just point blank refusing) to finish unpacking, no matter how much his roommate, Jaehyun, complained. 

Piles of boxes were still stacked high in his bed room, their shared living room, kitchen, bathroom. _Yeah_, Johnny could understand why his friend was becoming annoyed.

It had seemed like a good idea to begin with: Jaehyun needed a roommate, Johnny needed somewhere to live, somewhere to stay, somewhere to get his life back on track. After all, they had been friends in college, how hard could it be moving in together? After all, it had only been two years, since they’d stoped being roommates in the first place.

As it turned out, two years, was actually a long time when it came to living together. Both men having forgotten the little quirks that used to annoy each other back in college: Johnny’s messiness, Jaehyun’s early morning routine — their clashing schedules. All of this, matched with the fact that his friend, who was a good few years younger then him, seemed to have matured dramatically over the time he had been away. Unlike Johnny, who felt as if he was still the same college student as before, minus the floppy hair and lack of responsibilities, which honestly had left him feeling strung out and rather pathetic.

At least, this time around, he had a full time job. A way to pay the bills, something to keep him busy. Keep him tired — just another cog in the ever evolving machine of life.

Maybe coming back to Seoul had been a bad idea…

Sighing to himself, Johnny shook his head; it was too little too late now. Or more like _six months_ too late. He couldn't turn back, half due to shame, half due to the lack of money in his bank account. Besides, where would he go? He couldn’t go home, couldn't prove everyone in America right. Moving back to South Korea had been _his_ idea, _his_ decision. And therefore, if it was also turning out to be _his_ mistake, he’d just have to live with it.

Johnny could do that… Johnny could live with his mistakes.

That day, however, was a new day.A day off, in fact. Where he'd be getting the apartment all to himself, and plenty of free time to, _finally_, sort through everything he'd been putting off. And that was exactly, what he was planning to do… ‘Planning’ being the operative. 

Because of course, as with everything that Johnny tried to set his mind to, it wasn’t long before he became distracted. This time, by a small locked chest, that he found at the bottom of one of bedroom boxes.

To be fair, he had been able to sort through a fair amount of things before he stumbled upon the object of interest.In fact, he was officially down to the last box, by that point. The last, seemingly never ending box, that contained a concoction of childhood memorabilia, old text books, and miscellaneous crap. He wasn’t sure why he’d even taken that stuff with him? It had felt important at the time, but right at that moment, with the bottom of the box still not visible, he couldn't help but regret it immensely. Besides, chances are half of the shit would be going straight in the bin.

This chest however, sparked his interest.

It was small, around the size of a shoe box, dark brown in colour and with a shiny gloss finish. On top of the lid, was a rusted metal handle, and on the side was a small lock. Key: not currently insight.

Johnny knew this box, knew it well.

In fact, he remembered buying it. 

It had been when he was eleven years old… or was it twelve? A young kid walking around an antique market with his mother. She would take him there every Saturday morning, leading him through the tables, and pointing out different furniture and objects, before haggling prices with the sellers. 

Johnny was always in awe of her: watching what she said, what she did, and how she handled everything. And it was always so exciting to look through the goods they had acquired, once they had gotten home for the day.

He had watched her so regularly throughout their Saturday morning shops, that one day, he decided to try it for himself. His mother had agreed (after quite a bit of begging) and given him a small amount of money to spend on whatever he wanted, as long had he could get the price to something he could afford. A challenge that Johnny was happy to accept.

With the cash in his hand, and a new found confidence, he had set off. Wandering the rows of tables, and looking with a critical eye at the different goods for sale.  


After half an hour of this, he was starting to lose interest — circling the same sets of tables without much luck — when finally, one particular object, caught his attentions: A small wooden box, with a small metal key. 

See, Johnny had always wanted his own treasure chest, and that, that would be perfect! Now, all he had to do was attempt to haggle the price down to something he could afford, which from the amount of times he’d watched his mother do it, shouldn't be difficult at all.

The man behind the stool had seemed confused at first, peaking over his glasses with amusement, as this gangly preteen had attempted, somewhat poorly, to haggle the price down. But it had worked, eventually… The elderly seller taking pity in Johnny and the small amount of money he had in possession, agreeing to give it to him for a more reasonable price.

And Johnny, well, Johnny had felt on top of the world.

He’d bounded back to his mother, new treasure held close to his chest, and grin splitting his face.

From that day forward, his ‘treasure chest’ had become the place he kept all important belongings. Whether actually expensive, or just sentimental to him, they went straight into the box. Lock locked safely behind them and key stored carefully on a piece of string, which eventually made its permanent home in Johnny’s wallet.

The chest, had then been placed at the bottom of his wardrobe where it had stayed put for many years. Occasionally being dug out, when Johnny was in a mood to reminisce over his childhood memories.

Deciding that right then, was the perfect time to procrastinate just a little more, by looking through the aforementioned memorabilia, it was to his wallet, Johnny went. Placing the chest down on his bed, and abandoning the cardboard box along with the others that had already been organised, Johnny decided that sorting through things could wait, right at that moment, he was much more interested in finding out what he had kept safe from the last time he had visited his box of treasure.

He grabbed his jeans from the day before, rootling round in the pockets until he pulled out his wallet. Then it was easy, go to the zip compartment, pull out the delicate key, and make his way back over to his box.

He unlocked it with ease, turning the key and lifting the lid.As always, the first thing he was greeted with was a sheet of paper — a drawing from his childhood best friend that even after all these years, he couldn’t bare to part with. Under that was a couple of old birthday cards, an old baseball cap, some ticket stubs, a shell from when he'd gone to the seaside, an old collectible, and a well loved notebook. 

And then, below all of that, past everything from his childhood, lay an old film camera.

It was this last item that made Johnny frown. Everything else he had expected, everything else he had remembered placing in, and revisiting year after year. But this, this was not something he remembered locking away.

After all, why would he? He liked shooting film from time to time, and this camera, albeit a basic point and shoot camera, was his only film shooting device.

What would possess him to hide it away with his other sentimental belongings?

He’d been wondering were it was for a few months now, eventually just assuming that it had become lost while moving to and from America. This, was the last place he would have expected to find it...

In all fairness, he couldn't even remember the last time he had wanted to look in the box. He had assumed it was when he’d first gotten back to Chicago, a good two and a half years ago. But now, he doubted even that, wondering if it had been even longer, maybe in the weeks leading up to his departure? Maybe before that?

A lot had happened in two and a half years, he couldn't blame himself for forgetting his past actions.

With a hint of curiosity, he turned the camera on, waiting for the small screen to light up and tell him whether there was a film inside, and how many shots he had left.

The camera flashed to life, and to his surprise, what greeted him, was the number twenty-four.

Twenty-four out of twenty-five frames.

Apparently, past Johnny had waited until the _very last shot_, to lock away his old, beloved, film camera.

Now, he was even more confused by his discovery.

With his interest steadily growing, Johnny dusted off the leans, made his way over to his floor length mirror, and raised the camera to his face.

A strange sense of déjà vu washed over him as he did this — his familiar reflection staring back at him, with the camera obscuring half his face. But then again, that wasn’t necessarily unexpected. Johnny used to take those kind of portraits all the time when he was still in college — his trusty camera hardly leaving his side for the entire time he lived and studied in the city.

He shook his head slightly, not bothering to smile at his reflection before he was pressing the shutter.

The shutter made the familiar sound and, as expected, as soon as the photograph was taken the camera gave a whir, film winding itself back into the safety of the canister.

Once it was done, Johnny popped open the back of the camera, pocketing the film, before placing the device on his bedroom table. It might be nice to start shooting with it again, now that he knew where it was.

After that, he hadn't given much thought to the chest, or the undeveloped film, for the rest of that day. For once, actually getting on with the task at hand, and successfully unpacking the majority of his boxes.

In fact, it wasn't until the next day, when he was making his way back from work, that the film in his pocket became present in his line of thought.

Looking back, he blamed it on his surroundings, passing by a supermarket that he _knew, _he used to develop his film at in the past. Yeah, it was definitely that, the knowledge that he could just pop in and get a set of prints made within the day — Johnny always was kinda impatient when it came to shooting film, wanting to get the images back as soon as possible.

His curiosity grew.

_Damn it_, he silently cursed, shaking his head, and taking a detour towards the shop. Stopping only once he’d made it all the way to the photography desk.

“How may I help you?” The young woman behind the counter asked, smiling her customer service smile, and looking at Johnny expectantly.

“Hi,” Johnny greeted, pulling the film out of his pocket and handing it over. “Do you still develop this?”

“Yes, we do!” Will you be wanting prints?” She smiled again, placing the film into a bag and waiting to jot down the information.

“Uh yeah, best do.”

In front of him the woman nodded, ticking a few boxes before taking down his information.

“This will be ready for collection tomorrow.” She informed him, handing over a paper slip with the same details on it.

“Thanks,” he smiled in return, moving to leave, and slipping the paper into his wallet, as he went.

Of course, the next day soon turned into the next week, and Johnny still hadn't picked up his prints.

It had been a busy seven days, and Johnny, as a semi functional adult, didn't have time to remember silly little things like collecting long lost films, or looking at old photographs. He had real life stuff to take care of, like rent, and work, and how to avoid people in the street that he didn’t want to talk to… You know, real adult responsibilities.

Still, as the week (and in turn the month) came to its end, Johnny once again found himself at the photo desk in his local supermarket — slip of paper in hand, and polite smile on his lips. There was a different member of staff behind the till this time, she sent him the same tight lipped customer service smile, taking his slip, before taking his money. And yeah, now Johnny remembered one of the reasons he had stopped shooting film. It was a _damn_ expensive way to get twenty-four and a half (if you were lucky), probably out of focus, photographs. Even so he pulled out his card, paying quickly before taking the envelope of colour prints and thanking the member of staff with the same fake smile that she had shown him. 

Using all the self control he had, Johnny waited until he had gotten back to his apartment, unpacked the few groceries that he'd picked up while in the shop, and cooked himself a basic meal, before _finally_ opening the envelope.

There was a strange cocktail of nerves and anticipation mingling in his stomach — making his hands almost tremble as he flicked the envelope open, and pulled out the first photograph and—

Oh.

_Oh,_

As soon as his eyes fell on the top image, he knew exactly what he was in store for. Exactly what was waiting for him throughout the other twenty-four photographic images.

His heart rate spiked, hands shaking more vigorously, as he pulled the rest of the photographs, out of the pack.

He could stop now.

No, he _should_ stop now.

He should stop now and chuck the photographs away. They were not something he needed to revisit. As it was, Johnny was only just settling back into life in the city — jumping down the rabbit hole of his past was _definitely _not what he should be doing on a Sunday evening. 

But nevertheless, the curiosity that had been steadily growing throughout him, ever since he had laid eyes on his old camera, was still present. And, it was this, that had him thumbing through the images with a hint of desperation.

It couldn't be _that_ bad, right? After all, they were just photographs. Sure, photographs depicting the duration on his last long term relationship… but still, photographs nonetheless.

He needed to do this, if not out of curiosity, then at least for some closure… Yeah, closure… thats _exactly_ what he needed after two and a half years or repressing his feelings and trying to move on... Closure.

Taking a steadying breath, Johnny glanced back down at the photograph, eyes trailing over the familiar group of friends that stared back up at him

Taking a deep breath, he readied himself for what was to come.

He could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter done, I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> I plan on updating this every other day, if I can, so please look forward to more very soon~~


	2. The First Image

It was early summer, the warm month of June quickly creeping towards them, bringing with it great weather, lighter evenings and longer days.

Johnny loved the summer. More importantly, Johnny loved the summer when everyone had all finished finals for the year.

Him, his friends, and some of _their_ friends had all decided to meet up, catching the summer rays and sharing their free time together, before they’d all be having to go home or get jobs for the summer.

But right at that moment they were all able to relax, and what better way to do that, then stretching out in one of the green spaces of the city — whiling their time away with a few beers, some good tunes and a group of excitable college (and soon to be graduate) students.

Johnny remembered the day well. It had been warm, almost stifling so — the only rest bite being the shade of the trees, and the gentle breeze that blew through the leaves above their head.

There had been a fair few of them crowding around in the group — friends and strangers — acquaintances and lovers — all in search of their own privet slice of summer and choosing each other to spend it with.

Johnny, for one, didn't really care about most the people there.

No, while he lounged in the sunlight sipping at his second beer and soaking in the heat, he found his eyes wandering continuously over to one person in particular. 

That wasn't the first time he had met Ten. In fact, it wasn't the first time they had hung out, and it certainly wouldn't be the first the they’d spoken to each other. But regardless, Johnny found himself effortlessly drawn to the other man — eyes lingering almost shyly, mind wondering.

The two of them had been sharing stupid smiles and fluttering eyelashes from across the group, already wrapped up in their own world. As if this summer park, was just for them. For the two of them and absolutely no one else.

It didn't take long for Johnny to pluck up enough courage to make his way over to the other man. Plopping himself down on the grass next to him, and striking up a proper conversation.

“Johnny, right?” Ten asked, a small, but impossibly bright smile slipping onto his face.

“Thats me…And you’re Ten, yeah?”

“The one and only!” Ten replied with ease. Leaning back on his arms, and turning his face up to the sun.

He looked beautiful, Johnny couldn't help but notice: golden rays illuminating his face and bringing attention to his seemingly flawless features.

Ten, who had closed both eyes moments after Johnny had arrived, cracked a lid: peaking at him with interest, “Yeah, I remember, you were at Yuta’s last Friday… That was a good night.”

It _had_ been a good night! Yuta, one of Johnny’s close friends over the duration of collage, was well known for throwing crazy and extravagant parties. Or at least as crazy and extravagant as you could get — in the college dorms. And of course, to celebrate the end of the exam period, he had been the first to organise an event. Inviting anyone and everyone over for a few hours of fun, and a few too many drinks.

Johnny and Ten had danced together that night. They had danced, and they had flirted, and they had almost, _almost,_ kissed — only being interrupted when some kid (probably a freshman) had passed out in the middle of the room. And Johnny, being the responsible person that he was, took pity on the kid, helping him back to his feet and making sure he got to his own dorm safely.

Once he had returned to the party, Ten had been nowhere insight — lost to the mix of people, and probably socialising with his friends instead.

Pushing down his disappointment, Johnny had just shrugged, downing the content of a near by cup and throwing himself headfirst into the action.Thats not to say thoughts of Ten didn't cross his mind, after that. No, in fact, it was as soon as the next day had rolled around that the other man had entered his head once more. This time in the form of a half legible phone number scribbled on the back of his hand. 

Seeing this, a smug kind of excitement had fallen over Johnny — excitement to see Ten again, excitement to lead on from where they had left off.

That afternoon in the park seemed like the perfect way to start. The perfect excuse to see him again.

And so far, it had all gone to plan.

He’d been invited by Taeil, which lead him to inviting Yuta, which lead to Sicheng, which lead to Kun, which _finally_ lead to Ten.

There was no doubt in Johnny’s mind, that Ten would turn up. He’d be there, if the faint number on the back of his hand, and the memory of their last time together, had anything to say about it.

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed, nodding along to what Ten had just said, “Yuta’s parties are always great!”

“About that…” Ten looked at him with a slight glimmer of mischief in his eye, and amusement thick in his voice, “How come you never called me?”

With that he was pouting, and Johnny was blushing stupidly, while simultaneously tripping over his words: “Your number… I couldn't read it.” He stated, trying to convey how apologetic he was through his words, “I would have called you.” He assured, laughing slightly when Ten didn't look convinced. “Really, I'm being honest… I practically jumped at the opportunity of hanging out today just because of the chance that you'd be here too… Just ask Jaehyun…”

Their younger friend, who had been chatting near by looked up at the sound of his name: “Its true.” He offered, without a moments hesitation.

Ten, couldn't help but laugh at that, shaking his head slightly, but choosing to indulge in Johnny’s strange antics nonetheless. “Okay, I’ll let you off.” He chuckled, placing a delicate hand against Johnny’s leg. “We’d better make the most of our time together now then!”

They had ended up talking for the rest of the afternoon. Watching side by side as the sun turned from yellow to red, and the heat began to fade from the park.

It was at that point, that the group began to disperse — less interested in sticking around, now that the sun had gone down and the beer had been finished.

However, before they could disappear, Johnny decided to make the most of the situation, calling the group over and grabbing a passerby to take their photo.Because who knew when they’d next all be together again? 

The group had all smiled, waiting for the flash to go off before scattering into the night.

It was only now, looking back at the photograph three and a half years later, that Johnny realised he hadn't even bothered paying attention to the camera, eyes drawn once again to the other man.

Ten, on the other hand, was grinning. He had one arm wrapped around Kun, while the other pulled a peace sign. He looked happy… He looked free. 

Image two and three, had been taken half an hour after that.

As the friends began to disappear — leaving one by one in quick succession, Johnny, not wanting his time with Ten to end so soon, had made his way over to where the other man was standing: “Do you want to... do you want to grab a coffee or something.” He asked, bumping his shoulder gently into Ten’s side, and successfully gaining his attention.

“What?”

“Do you want to grab something to drink? With me? Not right now or anything! Unless you want to, of course? I’m not picky...” He rambled. Unable to suppress the blush on his cheeks, and feeling rather stupid about getting so flustered so easily around the other man.

In front of him, Ten cracked a smile. _Great_, he was laughing at him. He probably thought he was being really stupid, or embarrassing, and, oh god, Johnny was probably making him uncomfortable.

“Are you asking me to go on a date, Johnny?” He instead questioned, fluttering his eyelashes slightly.

_Crap_, was that what he was doing? A date? Is that what he wanted?To put it simply, yes. That was _exactly_ what Johnny wanted. He just wasn’t expecting Ten to be so forward with him. However, instead of backing down now, he turned slightly more pink, before opening his mouth and saying: “Yeah. I suppose I am.” 

Ten grinned back: “Well then yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”

“You will?” Johnny tried and failed to hide the surprise in his voice. It wasn’t that he was unconfident in his ability to pick up dates, it’s just, over the past month of crushing (for lack of a better word) on Ten, he’d never imagined it would be so easy to just ask the other out.

“Yeah! I mean...” it was Ten’s turn to blush now, “I’ve been interested in you for a while. In fact, if you hadn’t ask today, then I would have... you know, that _is_ why I gave you my number...”

_Now that, kinda made sense._

Johnny’s stomach did a strange flip — giddiness flowing through his body. Sure, he had been hopeful about this outcome, but even with the scrawled phone number on his hand, a part of him had never even dreamed that the feeling was mutual. “Okay,” he nodded, managing to somehow keep his cool, “is there anything you want to do then?”

“Ah, well that’s up to you. You asked me out, Johnny, that means you should pick where we go.” Ten joked, prodding Johnny gently in the chest.

Smiling, he couldn’t help but let out a laugh — taking Ten by the hand, and pulling him down the street: “I know just the place!”

They had ended up in a small café. The smell of coffee thick in the air, a jumble to tables squeezed into the minuscule room.They both ordered iced americanos, laughing when they realised that they had gone for the same drink. 

Unable to stop himself, Johnny, snapped a picture, first of their drinks, then one of Ten. Chuckling to himself at the adorable pout that appeared on the other man’s face.

“What was that for?” Ten asked, “I was mid drink, I probably look like crap in that picture!”

“No,” Johnny disagreed, “you won’t look like crap. He promised.

Ten still didn’t seem so sure, trying to grab at Johnny’s camera and pouting even more when he realised it was film. “Who the hell even shoots film in this day and age?” He scoffed, folding his arms with impatience.

“Me.” Johnny answered with a shrug and a bright smile, loving the way Ten couldn’t help but grin back at him.

The other man had the camera in his hands by that point, looking over it, as if he was trying to make sense of the controls: “Say cheese!” He ordered seconds later, holding the camera up to his eye and quickly snapping a picture of Johnny.

Apart from he didn’t _quite_ snap a picture of Johnny, as Johnny was just about to find out, _three whole years_ after the photo had originally been taken... Because, as he flicked to the fourth picture in the set, all that stared back at him was a blurry image — one half of what could be his face, and the other half obscured by Ten’s thumb.

Unable to stop himself, he let out a laugh at this, remembering how Ten had boasted loudly about how great that photograph was _bound_ to turn out. He’d probably find it hilarious, now...

Meeting up for coffee became some what of a regular thing for the two of them after that.Picture after picture on the roll depicting the long summer months. They showed the cafe they frequented, the food they ate, the drinks they drank, Ten, mostly Ten. The other man smiling prettily up at him, hair a dark brown, and eyes practically sparkling. 

They had had their _official_ first date, a week after the park catch up. One date led to two, and two to three — the two of them wanting to spend more and more time together, wanting to know more and more about each other.

Somedays they got coffee, sometimes cold drinks, sometimes cake. Both of them using the extensive menu as an excuse to meet up again and again.In the end, by the time summer was beginning to fade, the coffee shop had been the place that Johnny, had asked Ten to be his boyfriend. 

He had been so nervous, tapping his food anxiously and constantly tripping over his words.Of course, there had been nothing to worry about. Ten nodding enthusiastically and leaning across to place a soft kiss against his lips. “I would have asked you myself,” He laughed, linking their hands across the table and smiling widely, “if I wasn’t worried about rushing you!” 

Johnny had just let out a laugh of his own, shaking his head and leaning to press another kiss against his now _boyfriends_ lips. “Don’t worry about me,” He chuckled, “next time, you don’t have to hesitate!”

“What do you mean next time?” Ten laughed harder, “We’re dating now silly, there won’t _be_ a next time.”Johnny laughed again, unable to disagree with what Ten had said.

Looking back at those pictures — the June, July, and August of their new and exciting relationship — Johnny couldn’t help but feel happy.It had been a really great period of his life. He had just finished college, Ten, a year younger was about to embark on his final year. He had no responsibility, no serious job, no plans for the future. Just him, Ten, and all the time in the world. This sense of freedom was clearly shown in the first eight pictures, that were sat in front of him. They were bright. Carefree. A reflection of how things used to be.

Johnny felt a strong sense of nostalgia wash over him. If there was one time he’d wish to live in forever, it would probably be that summer.


	3. Say That Again

The next set of images, were taken in late October.

Ten, working hard on his last year of college, was feeling burnt out. Quickly coming to the end of his tether, when it wasn’t even close to the end of the fall semester.

He was a fine art major (naturally), focusing on creative textiles and mixed media for his final project. He loved creating — loved using fashion as an outlet, an art form, a way to be noticed. And, what better way to show this than by putting together an almost avant-garde piece of clothing, combined with many of the art process he had learnt over the last few years.

However, his last year of college education was quickly driving him up the wall.So far, he had several huge assignments that were due for completion, several pieces of course work to hand in, and an essay or two to start writing. 

It was at times like that, when Ten was up to his neck in work, and completely stressed out, that he wondered why he was even bothering to go through with a university education. He was an artist, for fucks sake — chances were he wouldn’t even get to put his degree to use in the real world, once he had left the safety of higher education.

Johnny, who knew exactly what he was going through, as a recently graduated member of the very same university, was incredibly sympathetic towards the younger art student.He became a strong support system throughout everything: there when Ten was having a minor break down, ready to pick him up at a moment’s notice. And giving him words of confidence and encouragement, whenever, or wherever he needed to hear them. 

He saw it all — everything Ten was putting himself through for this damned degree, all the sleepless nights, all the time and energy and effort.And the one thing he didn’t want to see, was Ten give up.

Which was why, as October neared its end, Johnny came up with an idea to help Ten out: “Let’s go somewhere!”

“What do you mean?” Ten questioned, not looking up from the sketch he was currently working on.

“I mean let’s get away for a while. It’s your week off right? It would probably be good to get out of the city for a while.”

“No.” Ten shook his head, not having given Johnny suggestion a moments thought.

“Ten...” Johnny whined, moving into his personal space and successfully disrupting his work, “please, it will be good for you. I don’t like seeing you all stressed out.” He reasoned, loosely holding onto one of Ten’s hand and making the younger look up.

Ten just sighed: “I’m sorry, Johnny. I’d love to, I really would, getting away would be... amazing.” He admitted, smiling wistfully, “but I really can’t. I’ve got so much to do, this project... it’s really important that I use this week to get it finished.” He explained, tightening his grip on Johnny’s hand.

“Yeah, I get it, don’t worry baby.” Johnny surrendered. He’d been dating Ten for around three months now, and by this point, Johnny knew not to push things. Ten’s work really _was_ important to him, and Johnny didn’t want to be anymore of a distraction then he already was to his hard working boyfriend. Therefore, if that meant staying where they were and making the best of a bad situation, then that would have to do!

Of course, it was less than an hour later, that Ten had a change of heart — quickly reassessing Johnny’s idea, and deciding that it would in fact be a good idea to get away.

The two of them had been making out on Ten’s bed — the younger deciding that that activity_, _would be the perfect way to wined down after an afternoon of hard work (on Ten’s behalf, Johnny had just been sitting prettily, when he should probably be looking for a job to cover him over the next year or so...). The pair had been slowly, but surely, working their way out of their clothing, Ten currently topless, and sitting somewhat provocatively on Johnny’s lap.

Just as he had managed to remove Johnny of his own shirt, they were interrupted by the sound of the door swinging open — Kun, Ten’s best friend and roommate, bursting into the room with his study group close behind.

“Fucking hell Ten!” He complained loudly, sounding slightly scandalised by the sight in front of him, “Could you _please_ text me, the next time your planing on getting naked when you _knew_ I’d arranged a study session here?” He sighed, shaking his head as the couple scampered to grab hold of their previously discarded clothing. “If I’d known you’d be here, I would have just set it up in the Library instead.”

“Fuck, Kun, I’m so sorry!” Ten apologised, “I completely forgot...” he flashed the group (a bunch of students that looked half half embarrassed and half uncomfortable by the situation they had just walked in on) an apologetic smile, slipping his t-shirt back on and grabbing a hastily dressed Johnny by the hand. “We’ll get out of your hair... although,” he added, this time with a small but clear smirk falling onto his face, “it’s not like you haven’t seen worse...”

“Don’t remind me.” Kun stated, running a hand across his face and sending a glare in Johnny’s direction. Yeah... that had definitely been Johnny’s fault. The memory of Kun’s irritated expression making a bubble of laughter rise in his chest. “Don’t you dare fucking laugh, Johnny Suh, I still hate you for that.”

Before Johnny had a chance to reply, Ten was dragging him out the room and away from his angry roommate.

“You know what? Maybe we _should_ get away from here.” He laughed, continuing to pull Johnny down the hallway.

“Yeah?” Johnny questioned, sounding slightly sceptical of his boyfriend’s sudden enthusiasm.

“Yeah!” Ten agreed

“Why the change of heart?”

At this Ten just raised his eyebrows, looking between Johnny and the door they’d just escaped from. “Look, if you think _I’m bad_ when coming up to a dead line, then Kun is ten times worse.” He stated.

“Okay,” Johnny chuckled, before sobering slightly: “but what about your course work?”

Ten shrugged, “I’ll just take it with me. Maybe you’re right, getting out of the city would probably be really good for me. You know, get back to nature — work in the elements. Maybe it will be the exact boost of inspiration that I need to kick this project into action.”

Johnny couldn’t argue with that, looping his arm around Ten’s shoulder, as the two of them made their way off campus and towards the apartment Johnny called home.

It had been arranged pretty quickly, after that. The two of them deciding where to go, and Johnny booking up a cheap hotel room for the next five days.

They couldn’t go far — deciding on a place just outside the city where the air would be cleaner, and the hotels would be cheaper. A place with a mixture of town and countryside.

They had set off the next day. Piling bags into the back of Johnny’s car and making the trip out of the city.

The ninth picture on the roll of film, was taken at a service station: Johnny had just got back into the car from topping up with fuel, and stocking up on snacks, when he came face to face with a sleeping Ten.

His boyfriend looked so serene, curled in on himself, arms looped around a pillow, mouth slightly agape as he let out soft snores. It was too adorable, and Johnny just couldn’t help himself, fishing out his camera from his bag, and taking a picture of him.

The sound of the camera winding the film on, made Ten stir: “Are you taking pictures of me while I’m sleeping?” He mumbled, blinking his blurry eyes open, and cracking a soft smile.

“I can’t help it,” Johnny admitted, “you just look so cute.” He watched with a warmth in his chest as his statement pulled a laugh out of the other man — eyes scrunching, and face moving to hide in his pillow.

“Creep.” He joked back, blowing a kiss in Johnny’s direction when his statement made Johnny gasp in a dramatic, over exaggerated manner.

It was a couple hours after that, that they arrived at their destination — and old, outdated looking hotel with the a bright ‘open’ sign on display.They entered together, suitcases in hand and bags on backs — Ten struggling slightly with the extra art equipment he had decided to take with him. 

The elderly woman, frowned slightly at them when they went to check in: “I sorry Sirs, but there seems to been some mistake... This room only has one bed. Are you happy to stay like this — or would you rather pay for an upgrade?”

Glancing at each other, Johnny watched as Ten suppressed a laugh behind his hand — passing it off as a cough.

“Thank you, but I think we’ll survive...” Johnny decided, smiling politely as the woman narrowed her eyes at them. Nevertheless, she passed the key to the room over, pursing her lips slightly as she did so. 

Their room was on the third floor. Up three flights of musty smelling stairs, and with a view of the back of the hotel. Window, literally looking out onto a carpark. Not quite the view of the countryside that the two men had been hoping for. “Wow... you really know how to pick a place...” Ten deadpanned, flopping dramatically down onto the garish floral bedspread, and laughing at Johnny’s reddening face. 

“It was the cheapest place available, in such short notice...” He whined, sitting down next to Ten and pouting dramatically at him. “Do you hate it, should we just go home?” He questioned, laying down now and rolling onto his side to face the other man.

“Nah, we’re here now. Might as well enjoy ourselves.” Ten quickly decided, reaching across to brush a stray hair out of Johnny’s face. “Besides,” he continued, “I think the hotel receptionist wasn’t too happy about about our sleeping arrangements — if we left now she’d probably be pleased.”

“Yeah? We wouldn’t want that would we...” A smirk fell onto Johnny’s face, “In fact, we might as well give her something to complain about?”

With that, he pressed a kiss against Ten’s lips — loving the way his action pulled a loud laugh out of his boyfriend, who happily rolled on top of him, smiling giddily into the kiss.

“Maybe later...” Ten decided after a few moments of this, sitting up and gazing down at Johnny with soft eyes, “right now I think we should explore some of the local area, you know, get that inspiration that I was promised.”

With only a little bit of complaining, Johnny agreed. After all, it probably would be a good idea to check the place out; look for somewhere to eat, go on a nice walk — all the usual holiday maker criteria.

As they went to leave the room, slipping into their jackets and pocketing the key, Johnny made sure to grab his camera — slinging it easily around his neck and following Ten out of the room.

The same receptionist was still working at the desk, and neither man missed the almost dirty look she sent them — narrowed eyes focusing in on their joined hands._Great_, Johnny sighed to himself, the staff were fucking homophobic. He hadn’t even considered that when booking up a old hotel in the middle of nowhere... _Damn_. 

Thankfully Ten didn’t seem to care, paying no mind to the way she tutted at them, and, as if to prove his disinterest in her backwards beliefs, pulling Johnny down for a quick kiss. Grinning stupidly at him once they had pulled apart, they made their way out of the hotels front entrance.

The main town, was small. Or at least, a hell of a lot smaller than the city they were used to calling home.

It was a quiet place, a few cars driving around, a couple of people milling about — minding their own business on their quiet day to day life.In the town centre, there were a few main shops, a large looking market and a smattering of restaurants and cafes. Then beyond that: trees and hills. The town seeming to fade into the foliage. Or maybe, become a part of the forest itself. 

“I can’t wait to explore that!” Ten stated, pulling a smiling Johnny along behind him as they headed towards the foot of a hill, “maybe we could have a picnic up there — I could draw some of the scenery, you could take some photos.” He suggested — setting the plan for the next few days.

“Yeah? That sounds perfect.” Johnny agreed, looping his hands around Ten’s waist and resting his head against his shoulder, “We could go and by some snacks and stuff from that shop we passed, or maybe pick up some food from the bakery.”

“Mmh some fresh bread would be nice”Ten’s stomach was the first to let out a loud grumble — all the talk of food making them aware of the fact that they hadn’t eaten in hours.

Johnny couldn’t help but chuckle slightly: “Taking of food, for now, I think we should eat. I believe I saw a grill just down the road... want to check it out?”

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Ten replied, relinking their hands and once again leading them down the street.

Photo number ten was taken at the eatery: Ten offering a piece of food to the camera while he took a swig from his beer. Cheeks pink, eyes shining. The dull light from a near by lamp illuminating the other man perfectly.

Looking back, Johnny couldn’t recall much about the picture, only the warm sensation that spread through his chest and the smile that crept its way into his face. It was a nice feeling, a good memory, even if the memory itself was missing.

Maybe they had drank a bit too much that night.

***

The next two days were spent walking around the local area.

They had gone back to the foot of the hill the next day. This time armed with two rucksacks of food, drink, and Ten’s art supplies.

As always, Johnny had his camera swung around his neck, watching as an excitable Ten practically sprinted ahead of him. Eager to get to the top, eager to start the real adventure.

Racing side by side, the two of them eventually made it up the hill, laughing loudly and completely out of breath.Ten was the first to drop his bag, looking out over the slope they had just climbed and onto the town below. He was breathtaking, half silhouette against the sky, sun illuminating the side of his face. The wind was stronger up there, breezes whipping Ten’s hair against his face, the sudden chill making him warp Johnny’s jacket (that he had decided to borrow for the day) tightly around himself. 

Without even thinking, Johnny raised the camera to his face, pressing the shutter and capturing the perfect moment forever — a snapshot of pure happiness. Ten was grinning, eyes locked on a point just passed the camera.

Eyes locked on Johnny.

Now that picture, Johnny remembered.He remembered being excited to see it. Excited to get it developed. But more importantly, excited to show Ten. A feeling of regret washed over him. Regret for trying to save the film — get the most out of the twenty-five frames. Why didn’t he just use it up in one go? Why didn’t he develop it while they were still together? Not that there was anything he could do about it. He’d missed his chance — lost it over three years ago. Ten probably wouldn’t give a shit about the photographs anymore. 

Although there was no point living with regret, he couldn’t stop the bitter feeling from forming inside him.A wish to have that time back, to have Ten back. 

The two of them had spent hours on that hillside, sitting, eating, messing around.

As expected, the change of scenery had been exactly what Ten had needed — allowing him to get a fresh perspective on his work and eventually (after a few hours of trying) finish the part of the project he’d been working on.

After that, the rest of the evening had been spent drawing Johnny — Ten complimenting him on the ‘perfect curve’ of his lips, or the slope of his nose. Obviously loving the way Johnny would become flustered at his comments, and moving to steal kiss after kiss, between the different drawings.

“And remind me, how this is gonna help you come up with a garment?” Johnny asked, feeling almost self-conscious with Ten’s meticulous eyes, gazing over him. 

“Well, how is taking pictures of me helping you get a job in graphic design?” Ten shot back, flashing a bright smile as he looked up from his note pad.

“Touché,” Johnny chuckled, laughing harder when Ten scolded him for moving.

“Anything can be inspiration.” Ten shrugged, “maybe you’re my muse, maybe drawing you is gonna lead me to my first big break. Anyway, you’d be surprised, drawing portraits like this is actually a big part of the course work, so you’re actually helping me out. Plus,” He added with a grin, “you’re nice to look at.” 

“Oh yeah? Well, maybe I should just give up trying to get a real job and become a life model instead.” Johnny joked, fluttering his eye lashes.

Ten, let out a burst of laughter: “Definitely not!” He shook his head, “First off, being a life model is crap pay, trust me. Second, there’s no way I’d let a bunch of college students thirst over you.”

Now it was Johnny’s turn to laugh, “Possessive much?”

“Pfft, you’d be the same...” Johnny couldn’t deny that, “Anyway, this way I can have you all to myself.”

In all honesty, he liked the sound of that. Liked the idea of being Ten’s. It created a flutter in his chest and a hitch in his breath. To belong to Ten, and Ten alone. And vice versa. For Ten to belong to him. there was just something about that, the promise of commitment, that sent a thrill through his system. Hope, for a long future ahead of them nestling into his heart.

***

_Image twelve: Say that again._

Johnny remembered the first time he told Ten he loved him. In fact, it was hard to forget. A moment so engrained in his mind, that no matter how hard he tried (and boy, did he try) he couldn’t remove it from his head. A memory, that he was once again reminded of, as he pulled the next image to the front of the pile. 

There was an audible hitch in his breath as his eyes landed on the photograph. Face instantly heating up and gaze quickly darting away.

The image had been taken while they were still away. A fact that was made obvious by the hideous bedspread that consumed the majority of the frame.

However, it wasn’t the bedspread, and it’s horribly bright patten, that had Johnny struggling to breath. No, because like with the majority of the other pictures from this role of film, this one also included Ten.

But this time, instead of sweet smiles and fluttering eyelashes, the sight that greeted Johnny, was a very sultry, and _very naked_ Ten.

He was... stunning.

Heart stopping, breathtaking, absolutely gorgeous.His eyes were dark, lids heavy. Lips parted, and body beckoning. 

Thankfully, for Johnny’s sanity, the photo was only composed from the chest up. But even this felt like too much. It was too intimate, too telling. The story behind it obvious to anyone that might lay their eyes on it. And, after three years (there about), Johnny no longer felt that he had the right to be looking at it. 

Gazing over the image, memories of the photograph flashed clearly through his mind. It had been the fourth night of their short break. As with the previous day, the couple has spent their time exploring the countryside, before heading back into town for a late meal.

The weather had been warm. The last of the autumn sun heating up the air, casting long shadows, and painting both men in deep reds and bold golds.

Ten, had been particularly needy that day — any time or space apart feeling like too much — each touch, each kiss, each look saying _so much more_ then words ever could. And nowhere was this more true, then when they had finally made it back to the dingy hotel room. 

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Ten was pushing Johnny back onto the bed; crowding into his space and placing kiss after hungry kiss against his face, his neck, his collarbones — anywhere, that he could attach his lips to. 

It was hot, it was heavy, it was passionate.It set Johnny alight. His body reacting completely at the will of Ten’s. Letting the younger lead them forward once again. 

“Ten,” he panted, looking for words but coming up short — breath ghosting over Ten’s ear, as the younger moved down to attack Johnny’s neck with a new peppering of kisses.

“Less speaking, more undressing.” Ten instructed, moving from where he was currently positioned on Johnny’s lap, and quickly shedding his clothing.To his side, Johnny did the same, stripping quickly out of his layers. 

Looking back towards Ten, he paused. The other man had dropped back down, lying stretched out on the bed. Head resting on one arm, other hand, laying carefully on his stomach. He was naked, and beautiful, and_ oh so naked: _eyes full of lust, cheeks tinged pink. 

He looked like a work of art, pressed delicately into the bright, almost abstract colours of the bedcovers, pillows scattered around him — artificial light bathing him in soft yellows and subtle shadows.

And, as with all the time’s before this, Johnny couldn’t help himself. Abandoning his original plan, just for them moment, to rummages around his discarded clothing until he arose, triumphant, with his camera in his hand.

“Do you mind?” He asked, not wanting to break any boundaries, not wanting to make Ten uncomfortable.

“Do whatever you want.” Ten replied with ease, fluttering his long lashes against the blush on his cheeks, “Let me be your muse, Johnny.”

At the spoken consent, Johnny raised the camera to his face, moving until he was happy with the composition before pressing the shutter.

Because of the lack of light in the room, the flash went off. Ten didn’t even twitch at the sudden bright light, eyes once again locked on Johnny, this time with a hunger, a desire that he wasn’t going to refuse.

“Come here.” He beckoned, a smug smile forming on his face as he watched Johnny chuck his camera, somewhat haphazardly, on the clothing pile and crawl over to meet him.

Not more than two minuets had passed, the two of them sharing kisses, and appreciative touches, before Johnny, chest just about ready to burst, spoke once more: “Ten, I love you.” He groaned, pressing kiss after kiss against his boyfriend: first his jaw, then his neck, then his chest, before trailing lower. 

It took Johnny a second to realise what words had just poured so easily out of his mouth. Understanding only dawning on him when Ten (who was breathing hard bellow him, quiet moans and sharp gasped slipping out) spoke: “Say that again—” he started, panting hard, “say that again, when we’re not about to have sex.” The order stated, hands raking over Johnny’s back, before settling securely into his hair.

Unable to help it, Johnny let out a low laugh — curved lips pressing into the soft skin on Ten’s stomach. “Okay, baby.” He agreed, pulling himself up the bed once more and placing a kiss against his lips, “Whatever you want.”

With that, he waisted no more time, running his hands down the side of Ten’s body, and relishing in the shiver this pulled out of the other man.

***

It was sometime later: the two of them wrapped in the garish bedspread, bodies spent, limbs tangled, breath mingling, that Johnny kept true to his promise; hands looped around Ten’s narrow waist and pulling him ever so carefully toward him. Nestling his head into the crook of Ten’s shoulder he took a deep breath, whispering a quiet “I love you, Ten.” 

Unfortunately, his boyfriend was having none of this — letting out a loud laugh, and rolling slightly away form him.“Say that again, when we haven’t just had sex.” He complained. Shaking his head slightly, but still leaning forward to press a soft kiss against Johnny’s cheek. 

And so, he waited.

He waited for the morning to arrive, for their lazy lie in to finish. Waited until after they had taken a soothing shower together, until after they had dressed, and until they had_ finally_ made their way downstairs and into the hotel restaurant for breakfast.

By this point, Johnny was notably restless: foot tapping, hands fidgeting, heart beating wildly in his chest.

He had spent the night thinking. Considering if his confessions were the right things to say. Debating whether they were ready, whether Ten was ready.

He had thought long and hard — about them, about their relationship, and in the end, he’d always came to the same conclusion. In all truth, the first time he’d said it, had been a genuine accident. A slip of the tongue, an honest mistake — his hidden emotions seeping through, just for a moment. However, the more he’d thought about it, the more he’d realised it was true. 

He loved Ten.

He really, really did. He loved everything about him: his laugh, his personality, his sense of humour. His sharp tongue, his quick wit.

He loved his face, lips, hands _(oh his hands)._

And the more he came to realise this, the more he wanted Ten to know too. It was okay if he didn’t say it back, couldn’t say it back — as long as he knew Johnny’s true feelings, that would be good enough.

Waiting for the right moment, however, was taking a lot longer then he’d expected.

In the end the time came when the sight of Ten — halfway through his breakfast and almost snorting orange juice out of his nose over something stupid Johnny had said — broke down his last shreds of control.

Unable, and unwilling to stop himself, he took his boyfriend’s hand over the table, watching as his laughter quickly quietened.

Ten knew exactly what was coming by that point. Could see it in Johnny’s eyes, his expression, the grip on his hand. _Hell_, everyone in the entire goddamn restaurant could practically hear what Johnny was gonna say next.

But even so, Ten looked at him with confusion, and a hint of excitement written across his features.

With that, Johnny couldn’t hold on any longer.

“Ten,” he began, voice almost shaking with anticipation, “I love you.”

In front of him, Ten’s breath audibly hitched. A blinding smile lighting up his face.There was a short pause, before he whispered: “Say that again.” 

And who was Johnny to deny such a simple request. “I love you, Ten.” He breathed out, voice matching the same tone that Ten had used moments before.

“Say that again,” Ten repeated.

“I love you.”

“Again?”

“Ten...” Johnny couldn’t help but chuckle, rising his eyebrows slightly at the other man.

“Please, just once more. Just so I know it’s real.” Ten practically begged, pouting in Johnny’s direction.

“Fine.” Johnny jokingly sighed — secretly happy to repeat the same three words as many times as the other man needed to hear them. “I love you, Ten. I love you so much.”

And finally, Ten let out a breath, pulling Johnny close and pressing soft kiss after soft kiss against his face. “God, I love you too, you big idiot. I love you so much, Johnny Suh. I love you, I love you.” He rambled, flood gates opening and confessions after confessions rolling off of his tongue, one after the other.

Johnny felt as if he was on top of the world, meeting Ten’s kisses with his own.

Nothing could get them down that day. Not the glares of the hotel staff, not the looming college deadlines, or the real life problems they were putting off. Johnny was gonna enjoy this for as long as he wanted to.

They had driven home the next day. Minds lighter, hearts warmer — ready to face whatever real life was planing on throwing their way, back in the big city. Whatever it was, they could face if. They could face anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're about half way through now!! I hope you are enjoying it, thank you for reading so far~~


	4. Off Track

“How’d it go?” Ten questioned, looking at Johnny with a cocktail of sympathy and concern in his eyes, as his boyfriend dropped dramatically onto his worn out sofa, heaving out a sigh of disappointment.

“Not great.”

“No?”

Johnny shook his head. “Apparently,” he sighed again, “I was supposed to be aware that it was some stupid group interview... safe to say I wasn’t.” Ten shifted himself closer, draping an arm around Johnny’s neck and rubbing circles into his back. “So then, after managing to controls my initial freak out, we were split into groups and told to come up with a logo design for a _hypothetical new brand_. This is when we’re supposed to show off, of course. However, I find myself completely lost — no thoughts, brain empty, lights off. All my ideas are crap, and everyone else is suddenly a long time professional graphic designers.” He shook his head. “I really, really doubt they’ll be calling me back.”

“Hey, you never know...” Ten, always the optimist, jumped in, “they might look past that. They might want a—”

“—A complete embarrassment.”

“No... I was gonna say a clean slate. You know, someone they can mould.”

“I doubt it, but thank you — I appreciate your positivity.”

There was another pause, in which time, Ten picked up his phone, flicking through his recent messages before speaking again: “Look, I know what you need. You need to get out for the night — go somewhere fun — drink too much. Pretend you’re a college student again. And, luckily for you, Yuta seems to be throwing a party tonight.”

Since graduating from university himself, Yuta, had moved out of the old university dorms and into his own apartment. A bigger space, with rather relaxed rules, and no campus security to scrutinise his every move.Which, of course, meant his famous parties had just become bigger and better, since his time as a college graduate.

Now that Ten mentioned it, Johnny did remember his friend saying something about a party — and maybe his boyfriend was right, maybe going out and forgetting his new responsibilities was the best plan of action? At least for the night, at least until the morning had broken and the hangover had made itself known. Then he could start caring again. Start worrying, and maybe start putting a bit more effort into these job opportunities and interviews.

He agreed easily, shooting a text off to Yuta to let him know they’d be there.

In all fairness, Johnny didn’t remember much about the actual party. Just hazy flashes here and there — fragments of people, snippets of music, the taste of strong alcohol and the churning of his stomach the next day.

It had been a good night: fun, fast paced — lively atmosphere and great company. But _boy_, had he suffered the next day.

His hazy memory, and nightmare of a morning after was the exact reason, the next set of five photographs, were of particular interest to Johnny.

Sure, like the rest they were a glimpse into the past — but this time a past he _really_ couldn’t remember — an unknown moment of time. Who knows, maybe looking through these would be the perfect way to remind himself of that night, and get a few memories back at the same time. That was the point of a photograph, after all.

The first image he came to, held the sight of a familiar scene. One that Johnny could recognise easily.

It was Yuta’s living room. The space was full of people: some dancing, some chatting, most drinking. The lights were low, as they usually were, meaning the automatic flash had kicked in — illuminating the people in the foreground, and casting harsh shadows over the party goers faces.The light glinted off a mirror, reflecting red in some of the dancers eyes. No one was paying attention to the camera, casting an almost ghostly atmosphere around the freeze frame. 

Johnny lowered the camera from his face, letting it drop down around his neck, before reaching for the nearest cup, and helping himself to the concoction of drinks that were available.

To his side, Ten did the same, body already moving in time to the hypnotising beat of the music blasting around them. He downed whatever was in his cup, pouring himself another drink, and topping up Johnny’s, before dragging him further into the throng of moving bodies.Not that Johnny was complaining — allowing himself to be lead easily into the party, stopping occasionally to talk to some of their friends, before looping his arm around Ten’s middle, and leading them closer to the action. 

They had only danced for a short while, getting quickly distracted by each other, before deciding to vacate the crowded living room in order to find somewhere a little more private.

This, of course, had led them into the kitchen, and in turn, into their _wonderful_ host.

Yuta, being the cockblock that he was, was not about to let them go so easily, dragging them into his space, and pouring out a set of shots. The second picture in the set depicted Ten’s face: expression slightly pained, as he sucked rather unattractively on a slice of lemon.

Johnny could remember laughing hard at that. Only to regret it moments later when Ten, laughing even harder, forced him to finish the rest of the shots that Yuta had prepared.

“Come on Johnny, take one for the team!” Yuta had jeered, elbowing him in the side when Johnny just rolled his eyes.

“Sorry, baby, you know how much I hate tequila.” Ten drawled, fluttering his eyelashes, in the way that he knew Johnny just couldn’t say no to.And Johnny, becoming weak at the knees, let out a love sick chuckle and picked up the shot. 

“Wow wow, wait a minuet! Don’t forget the salt…” Yuta jumped in, making sure Johnny was completely ready before allowing him to take the remaining two shots.Johnny shook his head, salting his hand and preparing the lemon as he went… He was definitely gonna regret this. 

That, was where things had started to get a little slippy for him — head spinning, memories mixing. Not that he had minded at the time, more than happy to let loose and lose himself in the party. It wasn’t like he was alone, after all. Ten was there — always there. Pressed close to his side with his hand linked easily with Johnny’s. He knew Johnny well, by that point in their relationship (a good six months by now). Knew his limits, knew how to take care of him. He wouldn’t let Johnny get hurt, wouldn’t let him go too far. 

At some point, Johnny had misplaced his precious camera — losing it in a jumble of coats, cups, bottles of alcohol, he wasn’t quite sure. But what he did know, where the next three images were definitely taken by other people.That, being something he was certain of, because of the fact that him and Ten featured heavily in them. 

There was one of them dancing: Ten’s toothy grin illuminated by the flash. Their heads leaning together, bodies pressed close.Johnny couldn’t see his face, but he knew he was happy — could see it in the way his body practically wrap itself around Ten, orbiting him in attempt to become impossibly closer. 

Ten’s arms were circling his neck, eyes sparkling, lips stretched into a smile. He was wearing a sheer shirt (of all things), hair styled perfectly, lips a glossy shade of red.Now, Johnny remembered this look, could remember it well — Ten’s going out look. _How could ever he forget_? It was similar to what he wore at the first party they’d danced at: Ten, as always, dressed to impress. Dressed to seduce. Apparently, he’d known exactly what Johnny liked. Exactly what would grab his interest. 

It had become a bit of an inside joke after they’d gotten together. Ten continuing to wear the same combination of clothes to every party they went to. The younger teasing about wanting to pick up hot guys, as, his attempt to seduce Johnny had _obviously gone unnoticed_ the first time he’d tried it.“Do I need to remind you, that you went home with another person that night.” He’d complain, lips pouting, and an obvious whine in his voice. 

“You mean when I helped a first year get home safely, and then returned to the party to find you missing?” Johnny would joke back, grinning stupidly at him. “Maybe I was the one to fail to seduce you?”

“Unlikely,” Ten would scoff, “Anyway, it still didn’t work did it… I ended up going home all by myself that night. And, I was really hopping to be going home with you…”

“How will I_ ever_ make it up to you?” Johnny would reply, moving in to whisper hotly against his ear — knowing just how effective this was against Ten, making his legs tremble, and his breath catch in his throat.

And each time, it would always lead to the same outcome: Ten smiling sweetly, eyes trailing down to his lips, teeth biting at his own. “Hmm, well if you really want to make it up to me… we could always lead on from were we left off that night, all those months ago.”

Then with that, He would be leaning in for a kiss. Lips moved against lips, hands tangling into hair, bodies pulled flush again each other. 

No matter how many months they’d been officially dating, no matter how many parties they went to —this— would always end up happening. Their own private in joke, their own stupidly specific routine. It was fun, it was silly, it was light hearted. 

They weren’t technically the focus of this photograph. The camera pointing its lens towards a group of people that Johnny vaguely recognised. However, off to one side, in the corner of the room, Johnny could see them clearly. Flash once again illuminating the kiss that they shared.

It was weird, seeing something so intimate from an outsiders perspective. Especially with his lack of memories accompanying the photograph. But even so, he couldn’t look away; mesmerised by the soft press of Ten’s lips practically seared onto his own, the way Ten’s hand would pull at his hair — sharp and needy. He could practically hear the soft gasps and breathy moans that would slip past his lips. Feel his breath against his jaw.

He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t miss it.

Didn’t miss the thrill of Ten. The excitement be being with him — loving him.

That was something that he could never forget, no matter how much alcohol was in his system or scrambling his brain.

The final image from the party was definitelytaken on the morning after.Apparently they had ended up crashing out on the living room floor. Half under a coffee table, resting on a pillow from the couch and using someones coat as a blanket. Johnny had his face pressed into Ten’s chest — hair a mess, mouth unattractively open, skin a sickening shade of green. He felt ill just looking at it. 

Ten, wasn’t faring much better. Arms still looped around Johnny’s neck while he dribbled into his hair. Makeup smudged, face pale.

Unfortunately, Johnny did remember that morning. Waking up with stiff limbs, and a hangover from hell.

He had let out a groan of pain his eyes ripping themselves wide open, as his body started to respond to the environment around them. Joints popping and complaining as he tried to stretch the discomfort away.It didn’t work, the movement only making his head spin and his stomach churn. 

He had quickly given up on getting up. Snuggling his way back into the warm embrace of his boyfriend, and closing his eyes on the world for a little while longer.

“Hey,” Ten croaked out less than a minute later, also attempting to stretch out the cramps in his limbs, “How’re you feeling?”

“Like shit.” Johnny mumbled in return, trying to keep the sudden wave of nausea at bay. “How about you?”

“Me too.” Ten chuckled, before wincing. The sound of laughter feeling like too much for his brain to cope with at that time of the day.

Somehow, a few minutes later they’d made it up and out of their terribly uncomfortable floor bed, hobbling into the kitchen in search for something to cure their hangovers.

Yuta was nowhere in sight — probably off in his own room, Johnny vaguely remembered him and Sicheng slipping off sometime late last night.

The house, was actually mostly empty, by that point in the morning, most guests having taken themselves home the night before, or leaving much earlier in the day.

Kun, thankfully, was still around. Looking annoyingly fresh, for someone who was wearing yesterdays clothes, and had spent the night sleeping on a secondhand couch.He was currently positioned next to the stove, preparing something delicious smelling, and whistling a quiet tune to himself. 

At the sight of food, both Ten's and Johnny’s stomach let out loud grumble — alerting Kun to their whereabouts.

“Ah, you’re awake!” He started, not batting an eye at their disheveled appearances. “Here, I made breakfast. If you guys can handle it, of course.”

At yet another growl of hunger, both men decided that it was worth the risk, sitting themselves down at the table, and digging into whatever food Kun put down in front of them.

They had escaped to the quiet of Johnny’s apartment soon after that. Saying a croaky ‘hello’ to Jaehyun (who also wasn’t looking so great, after the party either) before showering and heading back to bed. That was where they stayed for pretty much the rest of the day. Waking only for food and pain medication before surrendering to the darkness of Johnny’s bed and the warmth of the each others arms.

***

_Expectations_

“I got a call from my parents the other day.” Johnny mentioned over dinner.

It was mid May. Spring was well and truly under way, and Johnny and Ten were enjoying one of their very few down days by spending their time together.

They didn’t have anything big planed — just the two of them, using their time to relax in each others presence and forget about the usual schedule for a few, blissful hours.

Ten was close to finishing his final year of college: work load ramping up and expectations growing — he didn’t have _time_, for _down time_ at the moment, deciding to grab whatever he could get his hands on whenever he could justify it.

Johnny, after eventually managing to get himself a more permanent job, was also looking forward to an evening in together — the two of them having been split up a lot due to a clash in their schedules.

His new job, was an office job — he was the tech guy for this software firm. A big company with about ten people just like him, working on the same kind of jobs. It was... fine. However, the new nine to five working day felt a lot more limiting, then the free time Johnny had grown somewhat accustomed to. 

In all honesty, he couldn’t say it was what he _really_ wanted to be doing with his life, and it was definitely a far reach from the graphic design degree he had spent the last few years completing, but it was a means to get money, and a way to keep him in Seoul — so he couldn’t complain really. 

That, unfortunately, was not the case for his parents.

“Oh yeah, what did they say?” Ten asked, fiddling with the food on his plate while he gave his full attention over to Johnny.

“Well,” There was uncertainty in his voice as he spoke, Johnny obviously reluctant to say the next words: “They want me to come home… to America, that is.”

Ten fumbled with his cutlery — scraping it harshly against his dish. “Oh,” was the only thing he managed, smile faltering and eyes glancing away.

Johnny winced.

That was alway a strained topic — going home. Both men knowing that their time together could be limited.The possibility of Johnny, being called back to America, and Ten to Thailand. Thousands of miles between them — hours and hours away from each other. It was a genuine worry, something that_ could _happen. As it was, they were only in Korea for their studies. Having left their families, friends, and pasts behind, in order to follow their dreams of studying abroad. And sure, so far Johnny had managed to find a job that would allow him to say there. At least for the time being. Okay, it might have been a job that he kind of hated. But it was a job nonetheless. Johnny was happy to put up with it. As long as it kept him there, as long as it kept him with Ten, he didn’t mind. He’d do anything to stay by Ten’s side. 

The problem, however, came from his parents.They meant well, they really did. Calling him with concerns and opportunities back in the USA. Wanting the best for their son, wanting him to be happy, fulfilled, finically stable. And, annoyingly, they didn’t think he was gonna get that by staying put in South Korea.

Unfortunately, this, was not something they were shy about sharing. “But you're not even doing what you set out to do, son.” His dad had stated, sounding slightly exasperated over the phone. 

It was during one of their monthly calls, and as always, Johnny’s employment statement had come up.Now, he had been in this same tech job for the past two of these phone calls — assuring his parents that he was in fact fine, and, relatively happy in his new role; reminding them that they didn’t have to worry anymore, as he was no longer relying on part time opportunities, and underpaid freelance graphic design gigs, to see him through to the end of the month. 

Still, they hadn’t been very satisfied, sounding slightly more disappointed with each passing call. “But you can do so much more than a tech job, John.” His father had sighed.

“Hang on one a second, whats so bad about being a IT guy?” Johnny had complained.

“Nothing, of course.” His mother jumped in — obviously trying to defuse the possible argument that was beginning to grow between father and son, “What your dad is trying to say is: you deserve to be working in the field you studied in. And, if I’m being honest, I’m not sure I can see you getting that where you are right now.”

There was a pause, Johnny hoping that he was wrong about where this conversation was heading when: “Come home, Johnny, we miss you.” there it was — his parents wishes laid out, as clear as day in front of him. They wanted him home, they wanted him to come back to America. 

It made sense really, it had been years (not counting when they flew over for his graduation) since he had seen them properly, and as time was ticking on, he knew they’d want to spend more of it with him. He just really didn’t expect that wish to come so soon after leaving college. Sure, he knew it would be there eventually… just maybe in five years or so… not less than a year after he’d graduated.

“Mom…” He started, trying to think of the best way to word what he wanted to say.

Luckily, he didn’t have to — his mom seeming to know exactly what he was trying to express, even before he did. “I know,” She sighed, Johnny could practically see her sympathetic smile: “You don’t want to leave Ten, right?”

Yup, she knew him too well.

It was Johnny’s turn to sigh now, “Uh huh, you got it. It’s just America is so far away from Korea — It would be too much. I don’t want to be without him… I’m sorry.” He finished, feeling slightly guilty about where his loyalties so obviously lay.But, he couldn’t deny it. He belonged here, belonged to the city — belonged with Ten. And as much as America contained happy memories and happy family, he wouldn’t pass up what he had for anything.

“Johnny,” It was his dad again, sounding just as sympathetic as his mom, “Isn’t Ten’s family in Thailand?”

“Yeah…” Johnny confirmed, again not enjoying the direction of this conversation.

“Well, do you even know what his plans are after graduation?”

“Dad…” Johnny couldn’t hide the irritation in his voice.

“Wait, hear me out.” his dad complained, “All I’m saying is, what will you do if Ten goes home? Will you go with him? Will you stay where you are now?” There was another pause. “Have you thought that far ahead?”

Johnny found himself at a slight loss of words: because, in all honesty, no, he hadn’t thought that far ahead. Ten didn’t like to talk about the future, and Johnny preferred living in the present to worrying about what they’d be doing in a years time. All he knew was that Ten wanted to be with him, and he wanted to be with Ten.

“I, dad…” He took a deep breath, “I know Ten wants the same thing as me — he wants us to stay together.” He eventually finished, feeling certain of his words.

Silence.

“Look,” His father sighed once more: “I know this won’t change your mind, but a friend of mine… his daughter is setting up some new product, and her business is in need of a graphic designer… He asked me if you were still interested in pursuing that line of work, I promised to pass the message on.”

“Okay,” Johnny grit his teeth together, suppressing the irritation he was feeling, “Well, tell him thank you for the opportunity, but I’m sorry, I’m not currently looking for a change in job.”

The rest of the conversation had been rather uncomfortable, after that. No one wanting to bring up the subject of jobs or the idea of moving, for the remainder of the call.

Although Johnny had been happy that they dropped it, he couldn’t help but be left with a bitter after taste once the phone call had finally ended.Going home was not what he wanted to hear, and definitely not what he wanted to think about. 

And so, he had done what every self respecting adult in their twenties would, and did everything in his power to put off thinking about it for the rest of that week. Deciding that there was no point brining it up with anyone at that moment in time. Especially Not with Ten: his boyfriend already stressed out about completing his project by the deadline. There was already way too much for him to worry about, he didn’t need Johnny’s irritation on top of that.

Not when they had yet to discus his plans for after college.

That, of course, lasted until the Sunday evening rolled around. As, what had started off as just a bubble of irritation to Johnny, had slowly but surely turned into a niggling worry.

So, as they sat down for a home cooked meal, the words that he’d been running circles in his brain for the last few days, just kind of fell out. Johnny, no longer able to keep them to himself. No longer able to hold them in.

Ten’s reaction had been exactly what he expected. Shock mixed with the obvious discomfort, that came whenever this subject was brought up.

“Nothing’s gonna happen.” He was quick to assure, dropping his own cutlery, and reaching across the table to hold Ten’s hand, “I said I wasn’t leaving, it doesn’t mater what they try and convince me with. This is my home, you, you are my home.”

Ten forced a smile, gripping his hand tightly: “What... what _did_ they try and convince you with?”

“A job.”

“A job?”

Johnny nodded, “Yeah, apparently dad knows someone who needs a graphic designer.”

Ten perked up at this, “A graphic design job, and they asked for you specifically?”

“Kinda…” Johnny replied sheepishly.

“But that’s your dream, Johnny! Surely you can’t say no to that?”

“What, Ten no?” Johnny couldn’t believe the side Ten had taken on this subject, surely his boyfriend wanted him to stay? Leaving for America would be a big deal, and right then, Johnny wasn’t sure how their relationship would last long distance. “It’s not my dream, not anymore. I don’t care about that job, I…” Johnny shook his head, “I’m happy here, I don’t need some graphic design job to fulfil me. Surely you get that?”

“Of course I do…” Ten frowned, “But you can’t seriously tell me you’re happy as an IT guy? like come on Johnny, you complain about it enough for me to know that would be a lie.”

“You know what, Ten?” Johnny snapped, having had enough of people telling him what to do, and when to do it. It was down to him to decide how he’s feeling — when he’s happy, when he’s not — nor anyone else.

It was _his_ life, and right now, if he was happy working as an IT guy, then he was happy working as an IT guy. “The more you keep talking, the more it feels like you don’t want me to stay.” He finished, spilling his insecurities in the form of an angry statement.

“You _know_ that’s not true!” Ten snapped back, sounding steadily more exasperated, “Johnny, you have to know that. Look, I don’t even want to think of living in Seoul without you — this city is ours, it’s our home, nothing would be the same.” He shook his head, “But that doesn’t mean that I’m gonna stop you from doing something you’d genuinely enjoy. I mean, what was the point of putting all that effort into your degree, over the past few years, if you're just gonna waste it?”

“But I’m not wasting it! Just because I’m not using it for what I originally planned, doesn’t mean it was a waste. I’m not a failure for giving up on my old dreams — I’m just adapting.”

The food in front of them had gone cold. Johnny had lost his appetite.

“Besides…” He continued, feeling that he was probably gonna regret the next words as soon as they left his mouth, but currently too irritated to care: “Its not like you know what you're gonna do after graduation yet? For all I know you’ll go back to Thailand, and I’ll have to adapt all over again.”

Ten tensed his jaw, eyes growing cold.

As expected, any sense of satisfaction lasted for less than a second — quickly being replaced by guilt.

“Well fuck, I’m _sorry_, that I’m such a flaky person to be around.” Ten gritted out.

“No, Ten, I didn’t—”

“No, you’re absolutely right Johnny, I _don’t_ know what I’m gonna do once I graduate.”

“Ten…” He pleaded, knowing full well that his boyfriend was well beyond listening to reason by that point in the argument.

Instead, Ten pushed his plate away from himself and began to pace the room. “Yep. You’re right, I don’t know what I’m going to do, and I’m wasting my time, and art isn’t gonna get me anywhere so I might as well give up now. Is that right, Johnny? Is that what I should do?”

“Of course not! Ten, look I’m—”Johnny felt sick. He knew this was a sensitive subject. Something Ten had worried about for a while now — confiding in Johnny on many occasions. He _definitely_ should not have used that against him. 

“Oh you’re sorry? Is that what you were gonna say? Because I don’t want to hear it.” He let outbitter laugh, “In fact, shouldn’t I be the one apologising? Because _I’m so sorry Johnny,_ I’m so sorry that I tried to support you in doing something that would make you genuinely happy. I’m such a terrible boyfriend for even suggesting it.”

“Jesus Ten. I was just trying to have a normal conversation, and you had to turn it into an argument.”

“Oh, this is not my fault, Johnny. Don’t you dare put this on me.”

At that, Johnny let out a sound of frustration, standing form his own seat, and tipping the remainder of his food in the bin. He couldn’t stomach it now.Ten, on the other hand, sat down. Fight leaving his body, eyes looking anywhere else but Johnny. Not that Johnny hung around after that, leaving before he had chance to find out if his boyfriend had anything more to say. Dropping his plate into the kitchen sink he stormed out of the apartment. 

He just needed some space. He’d be fine if he could just get a little time to himself. 

In the end, he had taken himself out for a walk. deciding that a bit of fresh air would be the best way to clear his head.However, the longer he stayed away from his apartment, the worse he felt. The city was busy, surrounding noise doing little to help his already muddled mind. He felt like shit. A mixture of guilt, and worry fusing in his system. Ten was right, this wasn’t his fault. Ten, and Johnny’s parents, just wanted to same thing for him: happiness. They just wanted him to be happy. 

They just wanted the best for him.

And, what had Johnny done? What had he done to show his thanks? Be the ungrateful son and boyfriend that he always was, and pushed them away for even suggesting that he wasn’t happy in his current situation.

Right then, as he walked the busy streets of Seoul looking for anything to take his mind of the past hour, he found himself resenting this — he should have been better. Should have been better for all of them.

Johnny hated arguing with Ten. Hated seeing him upset, hated being the one to upset him. They had managed to avoid big arguments for most part during their relationship — only having one or two major ones and a smattering of bickering over the past ten months now. But this, this was probably their worst one yet. 

In the end, Johnny didn’t spend too long out. Doing two laps of the block, before quickly making his way back to the apartment.

It was quiet, when he got in. The kitchen was exactly how he’d left it, plates in the sink, chairs pushed out at harsh angles. It was empty.

The living room was also free from people.

Panicking for a moment, Johnny worried that Ten had left while he was out. However, it was the jacket hanging by the door, and the shoes kicked off next to the door that reassured him.

Ten hadn’t gone anywhere.

Narrowing down the places that his boyfriend might be, Johnny walked down the hallway, and stopped at his bedroom door. Knocking twice before allowing himself to enter.

The room was dark. Blinds drawn, lights off, and a Ten shaped lump visible from under his bed covers.Another pang of guilt shot through Johnny. He toed off his shoes, slipping out of his jumper and climbing into bed. 

“Ten, baby,” He whispered, keeping some space between them, as he lay beside the other man. “I’m sorry.”

Ten, who still hadn’t opened his eyes, reached blindly out, fumbling under the covers for Johnny’s hand and clinging on tightly.“I’m sorry too.” He replied, matching the same tone Johnny had used, “I’m sorry, I think it was just my coping mechanism, because I’m scared. I’m scared about losing you. I don’t want you to go back to America, and I know that’s selfish.” He was rambling, eyes that were only just blinking open showing nothing but concern. “I really am sorry, Johnny.”

With that, Johnny was shaking his head, pulling the other man closer and wrapping his arms around his body — cradling him against his chest. “Ten, it’s not your fault. I’m not mad at you, or my parents or anyone but myself. I’m sorry for getting angry, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. But, you really don’t have to worry, I don’t plan on leaving. Like I said, I don’t care about the job, or about America, I just want to stay here. I just want to stay with you.”

The next picture had been taken less than an hour after their quiet apologies. Shot in the bedroom, blinds still drawn and letting in soft, muted, evening sunlight from the outside. 

Ten had fallen asleep. Wrapped in Johnny’s warm embrace, head buried in his shoulder, hands gripping onto his t-shirt. As if he was scared that his boyfriend would disappear the moment he let go. 

Johnny had taken the picture, wanting to capture the calm of the situation. Wanting to remember the feeling of Ten in his arms.Because, he didn’t want to forget it — the good times, the bad times — he wanted the physical memories. He wanted as many reminders as he could get. Just incase one day, he really would need them. He just hoped it wouldn’t be for a very long time. 

Making sure the flash was off, as to not disturb Ten, Johnny raised the camera out in front of him. Attempting to blindly take the picture, and hoping that his boyfriend was at least in frame.He had somewhat succeeded. The picture coming out a little more abstract than expected, but still managing to capture Ten’s sleeping form. 

However, one thing now stuck out to him. Looking back, two and a half years down the line, Johnny no longer saw the picture as peaceful or serene. Because, one thing he’d missed that day, one thing he hadn’t been able to see from his position, trapped under Ten, was the frown etched into his boyfriend’s expression. Jaw tensed, eyes screwed shut.

Ten didn’t look calm, or peaceful, or serene — like Johnny had believed at the time.No, he just looked frightened... 

They had redone dinner. This time ordering a takeout and eating it in front of the TV. Ten said he preferred that anyway.

Neither one had mentioned the argument at first, wanting to put it behind them, wanting to forget it as soon as possible. But eventually, it had to come back up: “You’re not a failure, by the way.” Ten whispered, voice only just loud enough to be heard above the television.

“Hmm?” Johnny questioned.

“Earlier on, you said you weren’t a failure for giving up. I just wanted to say, that I never said you were. Giving up isn’t failure, Johnny, it really isn’t.” He paused, “I just… I just wish you didn’t have to.”

“Ten, its okay…” He assured, “Also,” he continued, deciding now was as good a time as any to say his own apologies, “I want you to know, no matter what you choose to do after college — I’ll always support you. Just know that you don’t have to rush into anything, you can take all the time in the world.

They had left it at that. Johnny, unsure of what to say next, settled on pulling Ten closer. The comforting hug not doing much to calm his own worries at that point in time.The truth was, he knew Ten was right, about the job, about not having to give up on his dreams about not being happy with what he was currently doing. But right then, he just couldn’t bring himself to admit it. Admit that his dreams were still important to him. Admit that he wanted more out of life. 

He should have known really, and looking back it was obvious.

Obvious that this, this fight, this hidden knowledge, this conversation, was the beginning.

The beginning of the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry this chapter is a bit late!!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it~~


	5. A Means To An End

Things had gone on, much like usual after that. The two of them choosing to ignore the argument, and what had caused it in the first place, in order to move on and enjoy the months leading up to Ten’s graduation.

His project had been finished, and handed in. Ten finally being able to breath a sigh of relief. He had worked hard, and now he only had a few things to finish off before the whole of this course would be complete.

There was a lightness in the air, bubble of excitement surrounding the couple. A lightness that came with ignorance. Neither one of them had talked anymore about plans for the future. About leaving, about going home. And, as thankful as Johnny was for this, he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that they were both putting something off. Closing something away. 

For the time being, he decided not to dwell on it, focussing less on the future ahead of them, and more on the here and now.

Right now, they were happy.

Right now, they had each other.

The future would come, as it always did; catching up with them and making them face whatever truth they were hiding from themselves, and from each other. But for now, they didn’t have to do anything, they didn’t have to think.

Johnny remembered this time well. A bitter sweetness welling up inside him — making his stomach churn and his chest constrict.

He shouldn’t have ignored the signs. Should have payed more attention.

A means to an end.

The pictures depicting this time, didn’t show any of that at all.

Faded technicolour scenes stared back at him. Depicting nothing but bright, happy summer days, and loud and exciting summer nights.

They were mostly of Ten and him. Shot in different locations, sometimes by themselves, sometimes with different people. Always together. side by side, hand in hand, eyes locked on each other, and grins wide and almost carefree.

They looked happy. And thinking back to the months of June, July and August of that year, Johnny could confirm that they were.

There were photographs from several different parties — the familiar sight of Yuta’s apartment depicted in several shots.

Pictures taken in fancy bars, large parks, Johnny’s apartment, their favourite cafe. The sun bright, the sky clear — painting the couple in warm hues and dark shadows.

However, as beautiful as it all was, by the time it came to Ten’s graduation, it wasn’t only the late August sun, that had began to fade.

Something was off. Johnny wasn’t stupid. He could see it. No longer able to ignore the signs.

Ten was becoming distant.

It started with him wanting to spend more time with his friends. Of course, Johnny wasn’t going to stop this. Ten deserved to spend his time with whoever he wanted. These people had been his closest friends over the passed few years and they’d all be parting ways after college, why wouldn’t he want to spend their last few weeks of freedom together?

But it became more than that. And as the month of August progressed, the two of them seemed to spend less and less time together.

Neither one of them brought it up. Acting to themselves, and the world, as if it was all okay.Inside, Johnny knew it wasn’t. He could practically see the divide between them. The breakdown in their communication, which, in turn, was slowly but surely leading to the breakdown of their relationship. 

***

“Are your parents coming over for the graduation?” Johnny asked one afternoon. The two of them had been out together on one of their overlapping frees.Ten had suggested it, saying something about missing Johnny, and wanting to treat him to lunch somewhere — a well deserved date, for all the hard work he’d been putting in at the office over the past few weeks. 

And Johnny would be lying, if he said he didn’t jump at the opportunity. Eager to spend more than a few minute at a time with his boyfriend._This was progress_, he thought to himself, _a chance to mend whatever had gone stagnant between them. _

At his question, Ten had nodded, taking a sip of coffee before replying: “Yeah, my mom, dad and sister. I’m excited to see them… they’re only over for that day, but it will still be good. Short but sweet.”

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed, smiling brightly at his boyfriend, “It will be nice to finally meet them.”

Ten nodded, “Yeah, I’m excited! Are you still up for the meal?”

“Of course I am! I booked the day off as soon I you told me about it.” Johnny confirmed, loving the way his comment lit up Ten’s face in a wide smile, and pulled a bright laugh out of him.

A comfortable silence fell between them, Ten with a soft smile etched onto his face. He shook his head, eyes flashing with something undistinguishable. The sight made Johnny’s heart lurch slightly.

“You know I love you, right?” Ten asked, reaching across the table and linking their hands together. It was a sweet gesture, something, that even as it came up to their one years anniversary, had Johnny’s heart accelerating, and chest tightening.

“Of course, Ten. And I love you too baby.”

Ten had only smiled, eyes flicking away once more and hands moving back to his own side of the table.

***

As expected, Ten’s graduation had gone by in a flash. The next four pictures being taken up with graduation gowns and group photos.

Johnny had been introduced to Ten’s family, smiling and bowing politely in their direction.

They had been extremely pleased to finally meet him, commenting on how much they’ve heard about him and thanking him for taking care of Ten.

Johnny had just waved them off, “Thank you, but I can assure you, the taking care of is definitely mutual.” He had joked, raising a laugh out of the family, and a squeeze on the hand from Ten.

It was the most connected they had felt in a while. Smiles impossibly bright, pride resting heavily in Johnny’s chest as he watched his boyfriend enter the stage and receive his certificate. Their connection was noticeable in the picture he snapped of the family together — Ten’s eyes once again trained just above the camera. And in turn, it was there again when the couple ask for a picture in return. 

They looked good together, both dressed in formal wear — Ten in his gown and cap, Johnny in a suit.Ten was smiling at the camera, eyes curved, expression giddy. Johnny, as always, was looking at Ten. 

The meal itself, had gone well: the two of them taking Ten’s family to a fancy restaurant and showing them around some of the local area.

After that, Ten had spent some extra time with his family by himself — promising to meet Johnny later, in order to get ready to go out and celebrate all the graduates success, with the rest of their friends.

It was set to be a good night.

***

"Is everything alright, Ten?” Johnny asked.

The couple were just about ready to leave for the evening. Ten, having come back from sending his family off home once more, and quickly getting ready for the party.Except, the younger had seemed quieter, since returning. Smile slightly less radiant, eyes slightly glazed. Johnny hadn’t missed this, placing a reassuring hand against Ten’s arm before speaking. 

Ten, just nodded: “Yeah, I’m fine.” he sighed, looking up and offering a smile, “Its all just kind of overwhelming right now.” He shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess its just really sunk in that I’ve finally finished college, like, I’m free now — my art’s been exhibited, I’ve got my degree, now what?”

Johnny let out a chuckle, “You can do anything now.”

“Yeah, I suppose I can.” Ten laughed quietly, before letting out an overdramatic groan: “_Fuck_, where do I even start?”

“How about,” Johnny suggested with a glimmer in his eye, “We start by getting a little drunk, and see where things take us after that?”

Ten hadn’t disagreed with that idea, shaking his head slightly, but nevertheless, pulling Johnny down for a kiss. “Well, we’d better get going then!”

As expected, the evening had been great. Everyone catching up and celebrating the success of their friends. The club was packed but they didn’t care — losing themselves the throng of people and moving bodies.

In the end, they got more than a _little_ drunk, crashing back at Johnny and Jaehyun’s apartment with a few other members of their friend group, at some point in the early hours of the morning.

As the sun rose and the apartment started to clear out, Ten had once again become distant.

He put it down to his hangover at first, but the truth had eventually slipped out: “I miss my family, like a lot.” Ten stated. He was currently slouched in the sofa, comfortable in Johnny’s arms and with the TV turned down too low to really hear it. The two of them had been quiet for sometime, before Ten had spoken — the subject matter of what had gotten him so down, finally being admitted.

“Yeah?” Johnny asked, “Do you want to tell me about it?”

Ten, just took a deep breath, nodding his head slightly: “Its been years since I last saw them properly and I don’t think I’d realised just how much I missed seeing them. It was so, _so good_ to be able to talk to them, and hug them and tell them all about what’s been going on in my life in person... I guess I just didn’t expect to be so homesick still... You know, after all this time. I thought I’d be over it.”

Johnny understood, of course he did. America was a long way away, and in turn so were his family, his mom and dad, his old friends, his childhood memories. He’d left it all behind to study in Korea. Turned his back on everything he knew and started fresh, in a country he’d only visited once or twice before.There had definitely been times he felt alone, felt lost, felt homesick. There were plenty of times he’d wondered if he made the right choice, or if this period of his life was just one big mistake after another. However, whenever these thoughts would pop into his head, he always tried to remind himself of what he’d achieved. He would have missed out on so much, if he didn't choose this path. Probably wouldn’t have pursued the degree that he wanted, wouldn’t have met the friends he’d made, wouldn’t be with Ten. And looking at those things, made all the heartache, all the worry, all the self doubt and homesickness worth it. 

“I get you,” He nodded, pressing a kiss against Ten’s temple, “it is scary, it is big and being away from family is hard.” Ten was looking at him, eyes large and full of emotions, “But it’s also worth all of that. You’ve worked so hard over these past few years. You’ve achieved so much, even with the homesickness, even with missing your family — you deserve to be proud of yourself.”

Ten had smiled — eyes watery and lips slightly down turned — moving in to press a kiss against Johnny’s lips, “I’m proud of both of us.” He decided, running a hand through Johnny’s hair, before resting it comfortably at the nape of his neck.

They had stayed like that for the rest of the evening. Stuck close to one another, in a tangled mess of limbs on the sofa of Johnny’s apartment.

It had been warm, and comforting, but also somewhat strange. As if the two of them knew their time was well and truly limited, as if their minds, and futures had already been made up.

Which, Johnny thought almost bitterly while looking over the picture of their linked hands, in Ten’s case it probably had been. His ex boyfriend always was one to plan meticulously before revealing his ideas. 

By this point, in the long lost, long forgotten roll of film, Johnny knew he was getting close to the end. The timing matched up, the pictures made sense to the story he had in his own head.

Twenty-three snapshots passing like a blink of the eye, and bringing with them a influx of memories and fresh pain. Uprooting the emotions he’d long since repressed and making the hurt he thought he’d gotten over, flood back in waves of icy cold.

Even so, he took one last look of the picture in font of him. It was him and Ten. Hands locked together as they sat side by side on the sofa.Jaehyun had taken the photo, muttering a ‘you two look cute’, before raising the camera to his face, and quickly snapping the picture. Johnny liked this image. It was nice, it was natural. It felt familiar. 

It felt like home — like a piece of himself that he’d been missing since that fateful beginning of September.

Since the day Ten walked out of his bedroom door.

Taking a deep breath, he decided he could no longer put of the inevitable, shaking his head and trying to ready himself for image twenty-four.

***

_Image 24: Ending_.

He moved the final image of them out of the way, eyes falling on whatever was waiting for him underneath.

To his surprise, it was him. A younger, scruffier, version of him, but him nonetheless.

He looked, broken.

Broken, and tired and sad — oh so sad. Eyes down cast, lined with dark bags and puffy, as if he’d been crying.

Johnny remembered that day, the day Ten walked away, the day his heart shattered.

It had all happened so quickly. One unsuspecting afternoon turning easily into one of the hardest moments of Johnny’s life.

“I’m moving back to Thailand.” Ten had stated. They’d been sitting in Johnny’s bedroom, a week and a half after Ten’s graduation.

Ten had once again been distant over the final few days, quieter. The excitement that he’d usually exuded missing. It had become somewhat of a usual state for him, over the past few weeks, and Johnny had learned not to push it — knowing no amount of coaxing would get Ten to open up anyway. He’d tried that many times.

Today however, Ten did want to talk.

He had waited until Jaehyun had left for the day, until they’d had breakfast and showered together, until they themselves were ready to leave for the afternoon.

His touches had been different that morning. More desperate, more clingy. As if he didn’t want to let go — didn’t want to lose a second of contact.

Johnny hadn’t questioned it, just happy that Ten had wanted to spend more time with him again.

This of course, had changed the moment his boyfriend sat him down in his bedroom.

Ten stood up in front of him, their hands clasped together, their eyes locked, and said the very words Johnny was so terrified to hear: “I’m leaving, I’m moving back to Thailand.”

Silence.

“Ten...” Johnny struggled to form words, “you’re- you’re what?”

“I’m leaving, I’m not staying in Korea anymore, I’m going home.” Ten repeated, no longer able to hold eye contact with Johnny as he spoke.

“Ten?” Johnny hated the way his voice broke as he said his boyfriend name. Hated the way his throat seemed to close in on him — hated when his breath became shallow.

His mind was racing, looking for any reason this might be happening right now. “Is this, is this because of that argument? Because of what my family said? Because you know I’m not leaving right? I don’t have to, I’m gonna stay here, I want to stay here.”

Ten just shook his head, eyes downcast, “No, it’s not because of that.” He obviously lied — fidgeting hands acting as an obvious tell to Johnny. He knew Ten well, he could easily pick up when something was off, when something was missing.

“When are you leaving?”

“Before the end of the month.”

“For how long?”

“Johnny...” and finally, Ten looked up. Eyes full of sorrow, mouth turned down. He looked sad — as if every words he was saying, was causing just as much pain for him, as it was for Johnny. “I’m _leaving_, leaving. I’m not coming back... not for a long time at least.”

“Oh,” And now Johnny got it. The words sinking in and sending a wave of cold dread throughout his entire system.

“And,” Ten spoke up again, voice now thick with emotion — cracking painfully at the end: “I think, it will be easier, for the both of us, if we break up before then."

The words seemed to fall heavily over the room — hitting Johnny directly in the chest. “I’m— what?” He just about managed, hands reaching out to once more link gently with Ten’s.

“Come on, Johnny,” Ten practically begged, squeezing his fingers tighter, “don’t make this harder then it’s already gonna be... you know me, long distance would never work. I, I’ve been trying to put some distance between us... I thought it would make things easier, make _this_ easier.” The moment he finished speaking, the first tear that had been threatening to spill, trickled down Ten’s cheek.

The sight broke Johnny’s heart.

“Ten...” He whispered once again, moving a hand towards his own face, in order to scrub harshly at his own tear tracks (he wasn’t sure when he’d started crying), “What happened to communicating, what happened to talking about these things?” There was a pause, Johnny desperately trying to take in what was happening— mind not quite believing what he was hearing.“I don’t, I don’t know what to do? I can come with you... I can stay here. We can make this work, I want to make this work.” He pleaded, words sounding desperate and pathetic.

In front of him, Ten just shook his head.Letting out a quiet sob, as he knelt in front of Johnny— wrapping his arms around his middle, and pressing a tear wet kiss against his lips.

It felt final.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, or was it a few hours, Johnny couldn’t tell — time getting lost and scrambled in this personal hell that the two of them had created for themselves.

Eventually, after what felt like far too little time, Ten pulled back: “You should go home, Johnny. Your family need you, and I—” the words seemed to stick in his throat, another stifled sound leaving his mouth, “I won’t need you, once I’m back in Thailand.”

With that, he was standing up, and moving away — wrenching himself from Johnny’s hold and walking with purpose towards his bedroom door.

For a moment, Johnny panicked that that was it, that was the last thing Ten would ever say to him. But just before he left, he stopped, turning back for just a second: “Look after yourself, Johnny. Please, promise me that.” He was crying openly now, eyes large and glassy.

Johnny didn’t know what to say. Blinking almost dumbly as he looked up at him.

“This will all be for the best, everything will work out for the better this way. Because... because this way, I won’t hold you back.”

Now it made sense, Ten’s true reason for deciding to do this — the meaning behind his words, the reason behind his tears. It was all to help Johnny be what he wanted, help him do something worthwhile.

And maybe help Ten find his own life. His own pathway.

But Johnny didn’t want that, didn’t want to lose Ten — didn’t want to move back to America. He wanted this, he wanted things how they were now, he wanted a future together.

He was about to say just that, wanted Ten to hear him, words on the tip of his tongue. However, the only thing he managed to do was let out a pathetic sob of Ten’s name — a broken, desperate plea for him to stay.

A plea that was moments too late.

The door closed with a quiet click.

Ten had walked away. Out of Johnny’s room, out of his apartment, out of his life.

And Johnny? Johnny had ground to a halt.

There had been no explosion. No yelling, no begging, just the painful sound of Johnny’s body betraying him. A loud sob reverberating around the room, followed by a pitiful whimper.

That was it. The last year of a relationship disappearing in front of his eyes. As if they had never been together in the first place.

As if none of it had ever happened.

The picture had been taken an hour after Ten had left, Johnny spotting the camera, and for some unknown reason, feeling compelled to use it.

He had stood. Eyes still red, heart still heavy in front of the mirror, raising the camera to his face, and snapping a picture.

Looking down at the camera in his hands, he contemplated what to do. He still had one photo left, should he use it? Should he scrap it? Should he even get the film developed anymore?For a moment, he’d even considered breaking the camera — just to be sure the pictures never saw the light of day. But thankfully, something stopped him. A strange, overwhelming feeling that he’d regret doing that, eventually. So instead, he chose to lock it away. Fishing out the delicate key from his wallet and hiding the camera and the pictures within it, under layers of childhood memorabilia. 

Out of sight, and out of mind.

Slipping the picture to the side, Johnny gazed upon the final frame.

It was him — just over a week ago — standing simply while he held the camera up to his reflection.

Placing the two photographs side by side, Johnny shook his head, letting out a bitter chuckle.

If he ever needed proof of change, the undeniable truth was right here.

It was strange, fascinating even — just how much could develop in two and a half years.

The two versions of himself looked similar, yet vastly different.Sure, there were the obvious physical elements: Johnny’s hair was shorter now, he’d gained a little more muscle in his arms, maybe grown slightly taller, if that was possible.

But it was more then that.

Even though he still looked tired — there was just something he couldn’t quiet grasp something that wasn’t noticeable from looking at his reflection day in, day out.

In the second picture, his stance was more upright, more confident. His eyes no longer portrayed the deep sorrow and longing he’d been feeling that day all those months ago.

He looked more grown up — more mature.

Instead of this comforting Johnny, it made a strange discomfort rise in his system. The undeniable fact that everyone he knew, everyone he loved — past, present, future. They were all heading toward the same outcome. Fading with time, fading with memories. Fading like an old photograph. Until one day, there’d be nothing left. Nothing to say any of them had been there to begin with.

***

Deciding to follow Ten’s advice, Johnny had gone home. Back to America, back to his family. Away from the other man.

He had tried to stay, at first. Wanted to prove that he could do it — would do it, whether Ten was with him or not.

This, however had failed very fast. The city quickly losing its sparkle. Their safe space in Seoul no longer there. No longer theirs.

Ten had flown out a week after they’d broken up.

Johnny didn’t even try and say goodbye.

Some of his friends told him to fight for it, Yuta, in particular, at the forefront of team_ get back together_.Others were less sure. Ten’s friends doing there best job to keep them apart. Telling him to move on.And by that point, Johnny just couldn’t care anymore.

In the end, he hadn’t lasted for more then a month.

Going home had seemed like the best idea — a way to distance himself from everything, and way to forget.

And forget, he had tried.

His family, as expected, had welcomed him back with open arms, greeting him at the airport with big hugs and bigger smiled.

Neither one of them had mentioned the break up. Almost as if they were scared of how Johnny might react.

And so, he had moved on (as best as he could), starting by taking that job as the graphic designer then working his way towards renting his own place, before reconnecting with his old friends and getting on with his life.

To begin with, things had gone smoothly. Johnny taking anything to keep him busy, keep him distracted and for a while, he had enjoyed himself.Enjoyed the new found freedom of living alone, enjoyed being able to see his old friends and family regularly, enjoyed living back in America.

But it hadn’t lasted long. The distractions running out, the novelty wearing thin. Johnny no longer being able to hide from the truth.

The truth, that this wasn’t what he wanted.

Not the job. No, he was extremely happy with where he was as far as carrier paths. After all, he was finally working in the area he had trained in. It felt good, it felt rewarding.

The problem, however, lay with everything else.

He missed everything about Seoul: The city, his friends, his old routine. Ten. He missed Ten a lot.A lot more than he liked to admit to himself. Only ever allowing these thoughts and feelings to show after long days, and longer nights.

His parents had noticed, soon enough. Concerned eyes blaming themselves for causing their son unnecessary pain.

Not that Johnny _did_ blame them. He couldn’t, not really. Deciding that moving away was bound to happen, one way or another. He was always gonna come home and Ten was alway going to go back to Thailand.Their time together was always going to be limited. 

He had continued steadily in for two years. Two long, boring years of missing South Korea, and the people he’d left behind.

In the end, it was all thanks to his new job, that the opportunity to move back to Seoul even come about.Two years had done wonders for this new company, and, after a lot of hard work and effort, they were expanding.Johnny had practically jumped at the opportunity, when the topic of moving the company else where (South Korea looking in particular like a good starting point) had come up in conversation. Volunteering himself to be one of the first to move out there.

Understandably, his family had been disappointed. Saying something about only just having got him home, before he was planning to leave them again. But even his parents, after seeing how excited Johnny was at the prospect of returning to the city that had been his home during his college years, had given in.

“You know, Ten won’t be there waiting for you?” His father had warned, bringing up his ex boyfriend for the first time during the whole of thetwo years that Johnny had been home.

“I know, dad.” Johnny had only sighed in return. “But this isn’t about him. I’m sure it’s hard to believe, but this isn’t my attempt to get back what’s been lost. Ten’s in Thailand. He won’t even be in the city.” He nodded, more to himself than anyone. “But even so, it doesn’t take away from the fact that I just miss it there. I miss the city, and I want to go back. Look, you’ve helped me out so much, you both have,” he addressed both parents, “and now, I am doing something I love, and I am financially stable, and moving back to Korea will make me happy.”

His mom had pulled him in for a hug, nodding along to what he’d said. “Okay, John. We’ll support you. Just maybe, try and visit a bit more this time round yeah.”

“I will mom, I promise.”

Moving back to Seoul hadn’t been easy.

The company had struggled: struggled to find its footing, struggled to grasp peoples attention. And Johnny, had struggled to settle in.

But still, he preserved. This had been what he’d wanted, he wasn’t gonna let anything get in his way, not now he had everything (well, almost everything).

The first thing he’d done, was reconnect with his old friends. A lot of them were still living in Korea. A lot of them still hung out.

Thankfully, Johnny found it didn’t take long before he was once again feeling comfortable around them, fitting in with the usual playful banter they bounced between each other. It felt so nice, being back, being with his friends, that once again, Johnny found himself almost forgetting the empty Ten sized hole that had never quite closed over.

Or at lest he thought he had, until he practically bumped headfirst into the younger man, at some random party Yuta was throwing...

Johnny had panicked that night. His mouth going dry the second his gaze had fallen on the other man. Eyes going wide, feet seizing up, brain trying to comprehend what he was looking at.

Ten was dancing. Arms wrapped around the neck of another man — moving slow and sexily to the music that was booming around them.

Now, Johnny wasn’t angry. That would be hypocritical. Ten was allowed to dance, flirt or be with anyone he liked. Hell, Johnny had had a few hook ups here an there over the past two years and for all he knew, this wasn’t _just some hook up_, this could be something long term, something serious.

On top of that, how was Ten to know that Johnny would be there? He’d only just gotten back to Seoul, and other than Jaehyun, Yuta had Taeil, no one else knew of his return.

That however, didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. A sharp pain shooting though his chest, making his hands shake and his knees buckle.Fight or flight taking over and telling him to get the fuck out of there.

In his haste to leave, he’d crashed directly into Yuta. His close friend and party hosts eyeing him with confusion and concern before noticing the direction he was staring. A new layer of worry flashed across his features. Hands moved to grip at Johnny’s shoulders — drag him back down to earth.

It was then, of course, that Ten looked up. Eyes falling on Johnny and going wide.

He instantly let go of the person he was dancing with. Mouth opening and closing, gaze locked on him— looking for something to say, before he started to take a step in Johnny’s direction.

So naturally, Johnny had bolted.

Pushing out of Yuta’s grip, through the crowed, and across the house. Ignoring the call of his name. Ignoring the people who got in his way, ignoring the confused looks the party goers sent him, and refusing to stop until he had burst out the open door and into the street.

He needed to get out of there and he needed to do it fast.

As he stumbled down the road and towards the nearest main street, a mixture of thoughts tumbled through this brain: When had Ten gotten back to Korea? And more importantly, why had no one told him?

It had taken a few days, but Johnny had forced the information out of his friends eventually.

Apparently (according to Yuta), Ten had received a job offer that he couldn’t turn down, less then a year after he’d returned to Thailand. Choosing what would be best for him, before once again saying goodbye to his parents and moving back to Seoul.

Apparently (according to Yuta), he had made everyone promise not to tell Johnny. Not wanting this new plan to ruin his own opportunities back in America.

And maybe Ten was right. And maybe Ten did know Johnny, because sitting there, in Yuta’s living room hearing this information for the first time, Johnny wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t have just dropped everything and ran back, no matter how desperate that might have made him look.

He hadn’t seen Ten since that night, hadn’t allowed himself to even think of the other man. Afraid of how he might react, afraid of what he might feel.

And for a while, he had been succeeding to do this. Or so he thought. Until the day he had stumbled across the chest, until he’d decided procrastinating was better than unpacking, until his curiosity had gotten the better of him.

Until he’d picked up the prints, open the envelope and watched as what looked like their entire history fell out.

All the things he’d been avoiding, all the memories, all the emotions, everything connected to their time together came rushing back.

Like a wave crashing against a rock, he remembered the heart ache of breaking up with Ten — the pain of watching him leave. He reminisced about their good times, their bad times, their feelings for each other.

With each passing photograph, he slowly but surely came to the conclusion that even after two and a half years of being apart, he was still undeniably in love with the other man.He still loved him, he was still _in_ love with him. Those same feelings from their year long relationship still firmly intact. Never fading, never changing. And now, he didn’t no what to do, what to think, how to feel about this realisation. 

He was lost.

With an edge of desperation, he placed the photographs back into the envelope, and sealed them away. Once again choosing to hide their past — unsure of how to face it, unsure of how to approached the topic.After all, he couldn’t have these. Couldn’t bare to, didn’t deserve to. They were too private. Too personal.

He had to get rid of them.

Unsure of the best way to dispose of the prints — and almost unwilling to just chuck them into the nearest bin, Johnny did the next best thing... shoving them back into his open rucksack, unwilling (or maybe unable) to do anything more with them for the time being.

He could think about that later. Decide what to do with them once he’d calmed himself down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi to anyone reading this, thank you for getting this far!!
> 
> We've only got one chapter left now, so not long to go. Also sorry about the amount of angst in this chapter! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and see you in the last one~~


	6. Let's Try Again

In his rucksack, at the bottom of the bag, where all the other discarded and forgotten items accumulated, was where the photographs stayed.

Sealed safely in their envelope, and probably in a somewhat crumpled condition by that point, they remained — undisturbed. 

One day, had turned into two. Two, to three, three to four and so on, until not one, but two whole weeks had passed without the photographs being acknowledged in anyway.

Two whole weeks.

Johnny had taken to carrying them around with him, for some unknown reason. Unable to take them out, and unsure of how to part with them.

They became some kind of strange reminder of how things used to be. A glimpse into his past, and an almost comforting presence.So, for the time being, they stayed exactly where they were. Unmoving, unchanging. Secure, in their untouched envelope. 

And, as it always did, life went on.

Johnny continued forward. Acting to the world, and the people around him as if everything hadn’t just been tilted on it axis. As if his perspective hadn’t changed, as if he wasn’t suddenly hyper aware of his thoughts and feelings.

As if he was back, on that unsuspecting Sunday, two weeks ago, with no knowledge of what lay inside the envelope of photographs.

Wandering down the memory lane of his and Ten’s relationship, had done absolutely nothing, but reawaken all the feelings he’d been suppressing since their break up. It was hard now, going on like normal when he knew Ten was out there somewhere — in South Korea, In Seoul — possibly even in a smiler location to him. Unlike what he’d hoped, the images, had done little in form of closure. In fact, now more then ever, Johnny just wanted to speak to the other man, he wanted to tell him that he’d missed him, ask him about the past two and a half years. Reminisce, and maybe even reconnect, if that was possible. 

He just wanted to talk to him. Apologise about the party — hear his voice again.

What he wasn’t expecting, however, was to get the opportunity to see him again, so soon.

It had been a Tuesday afternoon. Johnny was on his way home — taking a detour through the city in order to pick up some things he’d been meaning to buy for months now (he really was good at procrastinating), when, after exiting one shop, he looked up to find himself staring directly at the very man he’d been wanting to see for the past fortnight.

As soon as he saw him, he stopped. Legs once again halting and body refusing to move.

It was like seeing him for the first time, all over again.

Ten was standing, just mere feet in front of him. Laughing loudly, and chatting with a big grin on his face to a group of friends — a group of familiar looking friends, people Johnny knew from back when they were still in college, still together.

He looked beautiful...

He _always_ looked beautiful.

Quickly snapping back to his senses, and realising that he’d been stood in the middle of the street for a good minute or so by that point, Johnny went to walk away. After all, this probably wasn’t the best time or place to talk to him — he didn’t want to risk ruining the time Ten was having with his friends.In fact, Johnny wanting to speak to him was probably just selfish, and relatively stupid. Ten didn’t want to see him. He’d been the one to break up with Johnny in the first place. Besides, he couldn’t ignore the fact that he was only even thinking about this topic because of the photographs... The same photographs that currently lay like a heavy weight at the bottom of his rucksack. He wasn’t even sure why he still had them. Call it a feeling, a strange want to keep them near. All he knew now, however, was that with Ten quickly closing in, he deeply regretted it. 

As life would have it, his plan to turn away, and slip unnoticed into the crowed before anything could happen, had a few major flaws... The first being the painfully obvious lack of a crowed, and the other his stupid hight difference to the majority of the people around. 

Of course, as he realised this (fumbling around and knocking into several people, in his attempt to make himself inconspicuous), Ten chose that moment to look up.His eyes landed on Johnny. Body also stopping — laugher quickly dying. 

The sudden halt in his movements quickly gained the attention of his friends, three extra pairs of eyes travailing over to his whereabouts.

Johnny was just about ready to disappear.

Deciding that it would be ridiculous, and probably very rude to walk away now, when it was stupidly obvious that he had seen them as well, he took a steadying breath, before raising his hand in a wave.

Ten, after what looked like a moment of hesitation, waved back.

And that should have been it. Johnny should have left it at that, turned himself in the opposite direction and walked away.But no, _oh no_, Johnny (being the sentimental dumb ass that he was) just couldn’t leave it at that. Because what if this was a sign? What is this was fate? First the photographs, and now this... that had to mean something, right? 

With curiosity winning over, he started walking in the direction of the group. Something he began to regret, as he saw a flash of tension move across Ten’s features.

Yeah... he was definitely being selfish.

“Hi, guys...” He managed, choosing to address the group as a whole rather then direct his attention towards Ten alone. “How are things?”

There was a pause. An awkward silence falling between them.

The feeling of discomfort, that had made itself known in Johnny’s chest, grew. This was a stupid idea... he should just make an excuse and leave before it got anymore painful.

Just as he was about to do this, Ten, spoke up: “Johnny, hi. We’re fine... right guys?” There was a quiet murmur of agreement, “How about you, I don’t think I’ve seen you since—”

“—Yuta’s party...” They both finished at the same time, eyes meeting for a second, before darting away.

A silence fell over them once more.

To the side, one of Ten’s friends (was his name Dejun? Johnny should know his name, it was bad that it had slipped his mind) was trying to gently pull Ten away — saying something about having to get going.

Sicheng was looking between them with narrowed eyes, and Kun had his arms folded. Maybe they didn’t think so highly of him, anymore...He couldn’t blame them really, not after the way Johnny had blatantly ignored them at Yuta’s — in his rush to get out of the party, and away form Ten. He probably deserved their cold stares. 

Right then, however, he couldn’t care less what they might think — not with his time with Ten quickly running out. Something that was made all the more obvious by the way Ten was stepping away, and turning in the direction that Dejun was pulling him.

It was now or never, he realised. He had to do something, say something — _anything_.

A sudden thought popped into his head. Sudden and probably stupid. Still, it was the only thing he could think of, while he watched Ten walk away form him.“Ten!” He called out, addressing the other man by his name for the first time in two and a half years. Syllables rolling off his tongue easily — familiarity sending a shiver down his spine. Thankfully (and somewhat unexpectedly), Ten stopped. He turned around, raising an eyebrow in Johnny’s direction and shaking his arm out of his friends grip, “Yes?” He asked, his voice coming out high, and light — as if holding a slight hopefulness. 

“I want you— I want you to have these.” Johnny spluttered out, cursing himself for stammering over the statement. Pushing through the hot wave of embarrassment, he shrugged out of his bag, and rummaged through it, until he pulled out the envelope of photographs. “They belong more to you anyway — I wasn’t sure what to do with them.”

Ten eyed him, and then the envelope with suspicion — reaching hesitantly out and taking the photographs into his hands.

He looked up then, questions on the tip of his tongue, words just waiting to spill out. However he must have thought better of himself, forcing his mouth shut, and instead giving Johnny a sharp nod.

Johnny mirrored his action, turning on his heals and walking away before Ten could risk looking at the content of the envelope in front of him.

“Good one John, now everyone thinks you’re a dick.” He grumbled to himself, shaking his head slightly and trying not to pay attention to the stares still prickling his skin.

  
  
Still, it felt right giving the pictures to Ten. They were of him after all, and this way he had control over whatever he wanted to do with them. 

It was out of Johnny’s hands now.

He continued his walk, eyes staring straight ahead and feet carrying him quickly through the street.Away from Ten. Away from his friends. Away from the photographs. 

It was strange: even now, after seeing Ten and leaving the images behind, Johnny didn’t feel any closure. There was no feeling of fulfilment. No relaxation. Just emptiness.Emptiness, and a small voice in the back of his head that was telling him it had all been for nothing. 

That was it. That had been his one shot to do... something... and he hadn’t even known how to make the most of it.

Or so it seemed. However, before he’d even managed to get five minutes down the road, his name was being called out — footsteps running up behind him.

A slender hand caught him by the wrist, stopping him in his tracks, and forcing him to turn around.

It was no surprise really, that when Johnny’s eyes focused, Ten was the person panting in front of him. Hair windswept and cheeks slightly pink. “Johnny,” he breathed, once he’d caught up with the other man — not loosening the hold of his wrist until he was sure he wasn’t gonna rush away.

“God, I forgot how quickly you walk... you and your long legs.” The statement did something funny to Johnny’s stomach. Simultaneously tying and untying knots within it.

“Ten,” he mumbled in return, failing to conceal the slight shake in his voice as he spoke. Goddamn, this was dumb. He was dumb. He shouldn’t even be there. 

Again, before he could do anything, or say anything more, Ten was there — jumping in at just the right moment. “Thank you...” he murmured, eyes not quite meeting Johnny’s. “The pictures, thank you for giving them to me...”

“Oh right.” _Great_, so he had looked at them. Ten had seen the photographs — looked through the pictures depicting the majority of their time together... and he was thankful?

It was then that he noticed the envelope, still gripped tightly in his hands, top carefully peeled open. Ten’s fingers were fiddling with the paper. A nervous habit. Some things, it seemed, never changed. Not even after two and a half years.

“Yeah, thank you... I had forgotten about...” he trailed off, “well, everything I suppose.”

Unsure of what to say, Johnny shrugged. “It’s alright, you’re welcome. I just, I don’t know, I saw you and I felt you should have them.”

“Well, they are of me after all.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Johnny chuckled.

There was a pause.

Silence.

Once again, Ten looked as if he was gonna walk away. Once again, Johnny wished he could stop him.

Thankfully, Ten being the braver of the two (as was the case throughout the majority of their relationship), stopped himself from turning away, and instead fixed Johnny with an easy (but still breathtaking) smile: “Do you... want to get a coffee or something?”

Shock was an understatement to what Johnny felt. In fact out of all the things Ten could have said —_that—_ was the last thing he would have ever imagined. “I’m sorry?” He asked _intelligently_, tilting his head to the side and blinking rapidly.

His question made Ten back track a little, ears reddening. “I was just wondering if you’d like to get some coffee? With me. Just me. You know, to catch up properly.”

“What about your friends?”

Ten chuckled, “Yeah about that, I kind of sent them on without me...”

Now Johnny was even more confused, “You did?”

Ten just nodded, “So... I’m kinda hoping you’ll say yes, so I don’t have to go back looking like a total loser.”

“Right,” Johnny laughed, feeling a smile of his own creep over his lips, “well, in that case is there anywhere you had in mind?”

Finally, a genuine, perfect smile quirked back into place on Ten's face. He span around on his heals, motioning for Johnny to follow: “I’m glad you asked! I know this great little place just down the street... it does great iced coffee.”

“Oh yeah?" Johnny hummed, pretending to think about what Ten had said, "You might have tempted me with that one. I could definitely do with an iced coffee right now — lead the way.”

With that, they set off. Towards the coffee shop, towards their destination and towards something new. Ten asking questions about some of the photographs and making casual chatter as they walked.

A feeling entered Johnny’s chest. Light, warm. A barely there flutter of butterfly wings.

If Johnny didn’t know any better (and honestly, right then he didn’t) he would almost call it hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done! 
> 
> Thank you so much if you have read this far, I really hope you enjoyed this little song fic. 
> 
> Again, sorry about the angst throughout, I hope this positive ending has kind of made up for that!! 
> 
> Thank you to Teeg, for being my wonderful beta, and helping me while writing this~~
> 
> Please do leave a comment if you liked this, I alway love seeing what you have to say and always try to reply!
> 
> Thanks to everyone that has left kudos so far, I'll hopefully see you in the next one <3


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